Fringe S2E1 FULL Recap: RIP Agent Francis =(

We open with a car crash as a bleeding man behind the wheel gets out in a hurry and ducks into an apartment complex. He pushes all the buttons and someone irresponsibly buzzes him in. [way to be secure ppl.] He gets off the elevator and finds some poor schmuck throwing out his trash. Next thing we know they're in that (now dead) schmuck's apartment and the bleeding accident guy contorts his own face until it takes its regular form-- a smushy face. [sidenote: if you're an X-Files fan, you saw that it was playing on the schmuck's TV--awesome!] Smushface now takes out a contraption with two ends. One he sticks inside dead schmuck's mouth, the other, into his own. Bleeding guy's face turns into the poor schmuck's face and Voila! We have our first ever shapeshifter on the show! Back at the car crash, a new female FBI agent is wondering where the hell the drivers are of the accident. Records show that one vehicle belongs to our one and only Olivia Dunham-- who is nowhere on sight.

Cut to... the grocery store! It's Peter's Birthday!!! What better way to celebrate than to go shopping for custard cake!? [if he only knew how important it is that he's having a birthday, coz u know... he's actually supposed to be dead--in THIS world. he's actually Peter from the alternate universe, stolen/kidnapped by his own father, but Shhh!] Just as Peter gets impatient with Walter, who can't seem to make up his mind about his grocery list, his cell phone goes off. The look on his face means bad news... Back at the scene of the crime... The female FBI agent in charge is clueless as to what's going on. Peter and Walter arrive and she's asking what it is they do. Apparently, she's not high up in the FBI food chain, herego-- no clearance for her on the top secret Fringe stuff. Agent Jessup tries to rush some answers out of Peter. But he's not having it, he wants Broyles or Agent Francis, someone he knows. Meanwhile, Walter has been let loose so he wanders over to Olivia's car and starts examining things. [coz that's what he does!] All of a sudden the car radio turns on, the car starts moving, & Walter looks freaked out [coz you know... he knows when bad shit is about to happen]. Then, out of NOWHERE, Olivia's body gets thrown out from the windshield of her car and out onto the street. Ouch! Back from commercial and things are looking pretty grim for Olivia as Peter and Walter look on with grave concern. Meanwhile, Agent Broyles is telling Amy (Agent Jessup) that he's already written her report for the accident today. Needless to say, it is without all the weird stuff. He tells her to sign it and reluctantly, she does. A doctor comes out and tells Peter he's sorry, but most people who suffer this type of head trauma almost never wake up. Walter is in denial and starts muttering about the relativity between life and death and wanders towards Olivia's examination room. Peter walks after him. Later, Peter finds his way to a bar to drink away his sorrows. Broyles shows up and asks if he can join him. They sit and talk and it looks like the Man (aka The Government / Higher Ups) is calling in Broyles to review their whole Fringe operation. They claim the Fringe Division hasn't come up with squat and are basically ready to shut them down. Peter's all whatev, its not like we did anything anyway, we were just the "clean up crew." And, now its too late for Olivia. Broyles thinks it over, raises his glass, and toasts to what a great agent Olivia was.

Back at the hospital, Peter's on his way to formally say goodbye when he runs into Rachel. Olivia had a living will that states she'd never want to live off life support. They'll be turning it off in the morning. Rachel tells Peter, Olivia really liked him. [Not sure how if that was meant platonicly / brotherly/ romantically.?] Peter walks into Olivia's room and stares at her for a moment. [oh how i wish he'd stare at me one day...sigh.] He finally says goodbye and is about to kiss her [i think he was just going for her forehead] but then!!! Her eyes open, she spits out some Greek words, and reacts as if she's just now experiencing the accident.

The doctor takes Olivia's vitals but she's more concerned about what happened to her-- which for the most part, she can't remember. She asks for Peter and tells him she's scared because she knows that she went somewhere and that she's supposed to do something. If she doesn't, it could affect everyone. Peter tries to calm her down, but she then asks for her gun. She feels that someone is out to get her, someone did this to her, someone who wanted to prevent her from meeting someone in the first place. This seems to be very confusing, I'm sure. [Which I feel is a testament to Anna Torv's acting credentials. You really believe the girl's shock, confusion, and paranoia.] The next morning, Peter finds that Agent Broyles is in D.C. and all previous accesses have been revoked. He starts to get physical with security until Agent Jessup shows up. She agrees to show him the file on the accident because she wants to know what the hell Fringe Division is. Turns out the skid marks from yesterday don't add up. The other driver wasn't slowing down, but actually speeding up. Meaning he was waiting to hit Olivia's vehicle. By using a surveillance camera from a nearby parking lot, they've IDed the man as George Reed and are on their way to his home. [Gotta love technology!] They arrive but Mr. Reed's already dead. Judging from his body lividity? [is that even a word?], Agent Jesop somehow decides there's no way it could have been him driving the car yesterday. Peter calls in his father to find out answers. Walter wants to take the body back to his lab and Agent Jessup approves. Peter asks her why is she helping them if the Fringe Division is now being shut down and she knows this. She says, she's just following the case. Riiggght...

Meanwhile, our Shapeshifter's been visiting some sad store with one lone crippled worker. He asks for something apparently not available, but insists on it, before the worker realizes "oh you're one of them." He hands Shapeshifter a key to the back room and says something about how he's not gonna wait for "them" forever. It's been 6 years since the last time someone of their kind paid him a visit. The Shapeshifter walks into a simple room with a desk, typewriter, and plenty of blank white paper. He puts one in and starts typing that he's accomplished his mission in terminating the target and that no meeting was ever held. He also states he wants to go back to wherever the hell he came from. He then turns to the right of the typewriter where there's a special mirror standing and the typewriter starts typing... on its own! Much to Shapeshifter's disappointment, his target was not eliminated and the meeting did occur. He requests his next orders and guess what? It's basically to finish the job-- interrogate Olivia and then, kill her.

Peter introduces Amy to the Fringe headquarters while Walter is multi-tasking his autopsy of Mr. Reed's body and cooking Peter's custard cake. Sweet! Astrid has a new haircut [and she's totally sweet in real life, yes! I met her at the Con!] and the pet cow moos. Yep.. all seems normal in the Fringe world, minus Olivia's presence... She's now being visited by Agent Francis who calls her out on her BS about being "fine." He tells her a story about getting shot in the chest, witnessing his partner on the job die, and how he had a gun under his pillow for a long time after that. She may be able to fool everyone else, but not him. Olivia finally admits, she can barely load her gun after this whole ordeal, much of which she still can't remember. Back at the lab, Walter [eating a red vine while inspecting a dead body. hee!] shows everyone 3 markings/stab wounds on the soft palette of Mr. Reeds mouth. Peter asks what they are and what Walter means by he's "witnessed the unthinkable." Walter says he's remembered something and out comes the old VHS! Amy sees old pictures of Peter as a child in the lab and Peter explains that Walter's all of a sudden wanted to go down memory lane. He even checks to see if Peter is still breathing when he's asleep. This is all a bit creepy, but what Peter doesn't know is Walter's just checking to see if his alternate world body is still intact. They all watch a video in which a girl is hooked up to brainwires [and is probably all drugged up] and she's talking about 3 nails into the mouth, a soldier from an alternate universe, and shapeshifting to live among us. [I'd be peeing in my pants right about now.] Peter tells Astrid to log on to the database and find any other corpses that match the description of 3 stabwounds in the mouth.

In Washington, Broyles is losing a battle with the federal government. Bottom line: without any proof that they've done any good or are preventing any bad, the Fringe division is to be shut down. They can't expect the same expensive funding for something that seems inefficient and unnecessary. Damn this recession. Outside the building, Nina Sharp is waiting. She tells him not even the all powerful corporation of Massive Dynamic can save Fringe from being shut down although it's very important this be avoided. She kisses Agent Broyles (whaaaaaa?!?!) and tells him to do what he always does: save the day.

Peter and Agent Jessup visit a body that matches Mr. Reed's description. It was found near the accident. Yes, it's poor schmuck's body. Thus, the Shapeshifter leaves the bodies he changes into, behind. Amy tells Peter that her father was a soldier and compares it to what the girl said in the video. Soldiers are all about one thing: life or death. Peter translates this as they always stay on mission... which means whatever, whoever this person/thing is, it's still after Olivia. Cut to... some poor nurse on a coffee break. She turns around and there's our Shapeshifter. You already know she's gonna be dead. See. Caffeine really is bad for you. The nurse/Shapeshifter is now in Olivia's room. And she's asking her a bunch of questions. Olivia is trying really hard to remember and she thinks its as if she went somewhere, met with someone, and then came back to the accident. The Shapeshifter asks her who did she meet with, but Olivia can't remember. Done with his interrogation, the Shapeshifter jumps on top of Olivia and starts to strangle her.

Peter and Amy finally arrive at the hospital and meet up with Charlie who says that the whole hospital is on lockdown. The only people allowed into Olivia's room are nurses. Uh... HELLO!! Shapeshifters don't discriminate! Come on FBI!!! In Olivia's room, she's struggling to grab her gun from underneath her pillow but the Shapeshifter is too strong and tells her, "don't fight it, it's over." Finally, Gunshot! Agent Jessup's shot the Shapeshifter in the back. It jumps out the window as Amy relays to Charlie the new shapeshifter's description and that it's heading for the hospital basement. Peter asks Olivia if she's ok. She just responds, "Go get that bitch." ::smile:: I love Olivia.

Down below... Charlie, Amy, and Peter have split up. [which is a BAD idea if you're dealing with a Shapeshifter people!] We discover that the Shapeshifter is nearest to Agent Francis. And it is about to attack him when we cut to Peter hearing a gunshot. He runs in that direction and into Amy and together they arrive on the scene to see Charlie has shot the Shapeshifter and there's the little shapeshifting contraption next to the body. [This is Sooo NOT GOOD. It means CHARLIE is dead!! I just know it! ::sobs::] Peter gets down and checks to see if there's markings on the Shapeshifter's mouth. Oh Peter... Check CHARLIE!!!! The next day, Peter visits Olivia and brings her flowers. Olivia asks who the "bitch" was. Peter tells her that Walter thinks it was a shape-changing soldier from another world-- a world he also thinks Olivia visited. Olivia tells Peter that the Shapeshifter thought she knew where something was hidden. Peter tells her that no matter what happens, Walter will figure it out. He then sits next to her and tells her about her little Greek outburst right after coming into consciousness. It appears that what she said means, "Be a better man than your father." And it's something Peter's mom used to say to him as a child after Walter left. That's awkward. Later, Peter gives Broyles the contraption thing and tells him to tell the bosses that they can't shut down Fringe division. Here's the proof they want.

Final Scenes: Amy is typing in all of the Fringe cases into her laptop and labeling them using her Bible?! Olivia finally finds a way to calm her nerves so she can load her gun properly. And in a dark lab room, Astrid, Walter, and the cow surprise Peter & wish him a happy birthday. Lastly, Agent Francis returns to the hospital basement, reveals a dead Agent Francis body! in a dumpster, and throws it into the blazing furnace. [So. Not. Fair.]

AFTERTHOUGHTS/PREDICTIONS

- Pooor Agent Francis! I always liked Charlie and to go thru that whole ordeal of the eggs in his body... only to be killed! and OFF CAMERA!?! Ugh... Damn these other-worldly soldiers!!

- Lots of hints and references to the discovery from last season that Peter is not really from our world. Which means, that TRUTH is gonna come out. And when it does... Oooh Wee.... That is gonna suck.

- Nina Sharpe and Broyles kiss!? Whaaa?!! So they've had a past! So they go waaaay back. How long has this liaison been going on? What does it mean for their individual loyalties? Hmmm...

- The "Something Hidden" that Olivia is supposed to know about or find... Here's a wild idea. What if it's Peter? Something tells me that the Walter from the other world is probably upset that his son is missing or was kidnapped by the Walter from our world. Maybe he's the evil bad that wants our world destroyed because of it?? Time will tell.....

Glee S1E3: Acafellas Highlights!

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Melrose Place S1E2 Recap: What's new you ask? Definitely NOT Riley's wardrobe. Yuk.

Oh, it is sooo hard to be young, beautiful, and living in LA. Here's the new information we've learned about our trendy tenants (minus Riley, u'll see why) this week...

The douchebag cop from last week is now on Auggie's tale. We discover (thru flashback) that Auggie has also slept with Sydney. [Man she gets around!] They met at an AA meeting, slept together for months, but stopped because Auggie wasn't taking the program very seriously and Syd "loved him too much to see him fail." His earlier alcoholism led to his ex-girlfriend dying in the middle of a knife-fight intended for a drunken Auggie one night at a bar. [Now that's a helluva story to tell in AA.] We also discover (thru flashback again) that Auggie DID see Sydney the night she died. He came over after work while David was past out drunk and found Sydney doing some coke. Guess sobriety didn't work out for her much. After the drama with Michael and being rejected by the father/son duo, Sydney was apparently all about revenge. She wasn't staying sober, she wasn't around, and she basically was not being there for Auggie like she promised to be. [In short, she was a really bad sponsor.] Auggie tries to control her little coke session but she goes all coke-head and even cuts him with a butcher knife to get her dope. Our flashback ends with Auggie in possession of the knife and yelling at Sydney. Do I think he did it? Not really. But I'm assuming the whole season is going to be about exploring EVERYONE's motives.

Ella is my new *favorite* character in all the new shows that have premiered so far. [Yes, I love her more than Mr. Schuester from Glee.] She lends people cute clothes. She isn't about to get fired over some stupid recession merger that puts her under a new, egoistic boss. She knows when and how to blackmail. She thinks fast. She can smoothly interrupt Jonah and Riley's stupid romantic moments with style and precision. She's "ballsy." She'd make a damn fine publicist in real life and is really starting to inspire yours truly. [It'd be awesome if she were somehow related to Heather Locklear's Amanda from the original Melrose Place.]

Violet is a mystery for very much of the episode. She tries to get a job as a hostess at the same hip restaurant Auggie works at, but is immediately rejected by the owner/manager when she shows up in a sad TGIF-like uniform. [This is LA, sweetie. Wear something from H&M at least!] She eventually seeks out Ella for a cute new outfit and comes back to the restaurant. This time around, she lands the hostess job in flash. She also spends some time in the community pool at odd hours of the night, only be-known to us by Jonah's surveillance camera footage (recently installed, upon Ella's request for the tenants' saftey). But the BIG jawdropper comes at the end when we discover (through flashback) that Violet actually came to Melrose to surprise Sydney! Coz Violet is actually Syd's long lost daughter!!!! Unfortunately, Syd's in some MAJOR denial. She claims she's NEVER had a child. Violet goes all psycho. [FINALLY! I've been waiting to see the psycho potential in Ashlee Simpson.] She even takes out a little trinket she made for "Mom" when she was 9 to show how long she's been searching for Sydney. Apparently, Violet has been through a whole lot to this point in finding Syd. And before Sydney can bolt, Violet tells her she won't be able to get away from Violet that easily... again. Niiice! Creepy orphan syndrome!!

Lauren is an idiot. And probably has one of the most ridiculous storylines on the show. [Which is really a shame because this actress did so well on BSG: RAZOR]. She is still hell bent on being a doctor-- but ass-deep in debt. Thus, after initially rejecting Toby's friend (who's willing to make another "donation" to her be-a-good-doctor by day, be-a-big-whore by night fund), she thinks it over and caves in again. She's also bad at lying about it, referring to it as a scholarship opportunity when Violet slyly brings it up in front of Ella. Unfortunately, Lauren's little date lands her at a party being attended by both Ella and David. So now she's actually been spotted on one of her little exploits. She has to pretend she's been seeing Pimp #2 for quite some time now in order to avoid further explanation of why she lied about staying home for the night.

Riley and Jonah are fuckin stupid. After arguing back and forth about Ella and Auggie and the need to tone down those opposite sex friendships respectively (since they're now engaged and wrongfully so, since they can't get over their childish, insipid jealousies), they end up making up the very next day. The only thing I can add to this development is that I still don't like Riley and OMG, what in the hell.... was she WEARING in her last scene?!!! An olive green, long, puffy, sleeved, super-blouse paired with wooden, dangly hoop earrings. And if that wasn't horrid enough... she tops off the whole outfit by wearing some fucking bellbottom jeans!?!!? UGH. So gross, I wanted to scream.

David is still stealing and we find he used to be trailer trash till his dying mother told him about his rich dad, Michael. Not much of a character development there, buddy. Better luck next episode!

Gossip Girl S3E1 Review: Polo, Paparazzi, and Playing Games...

FINALLY. They're back. Not just for their crazy, lavish lifestyles & storylines, but also for their cute clothes & fashionable attire altogether to inspire me... yes, Gossip Girl is back! Here's how I feel about what our favorite characters did over the summer.

Blair & Chuck: Apparently the two have thoroughly enjoyed their honeymoon phase and because neither person wants to be boring, they've set up a little game to keep things interesting. This game consists of picking out a beautiful female model, or celebrity, or elite socialite that Chuck can flirt with. But before things get into cheat-territory, Blair gets to show up, yell, and humiliate the girl. He gets to exercise some testosterone, she gets to berate someone beneath her. Then, they themselves, get it on. Thus, they both win. Right? [I, for one, think it's deliciously cute but then again, I'm not exactly conventional with my own relationship-- so what do I know?] S points out to B, just as Nate points out to Chuck, that this can be a very dangerous, slippery slope type of game. Is this really fun for Blair? What if Chuck really cheats? What if it gets out of control? Obviously, these thoughts start to plague our favorite couple and they decide to stop playing despite some possible new conquests that keep coming their way. Their ultimate solution? A new game! One more conventional, but equally exciting... ROLE PLAY! Niice. We leave them as Blair pretends to be a disgruntled restaurant customer and Chuck pretends to be a waiter who'll make it up to her in every way possible. Is THAT not the CUTEST thing EVER?!?!?! I would have settled for the entire episode of Blair and Chuck role playing!! [Yes, I'm sick, I know.]

The Humphrey/VanDerWoodsen Family: At some point during summer vacay, Lily's Mom, aka Cece, got very sick and thus Lily is MIA from the entire episode. She's somewhere helping her mother get better, leaving Rufus to raise Dan, Lil J, and now Eric. But it couldn't have been that hard since they spent most of their time in the Hamptons and Lily left them all with an envelope of emergency money-- enough to probably put me through grad school. Dan's been adjusting well, since he now carries around a designer wallet full of benjamins inside. He even lies to Vanessa about catching a subway when in fact he is cruising around in a limo. (I can't blame him, V's a debbie downer IMO.) So now the family minus Lily (somewhere with Grandma) and Serena (who went to a nice little summer camp called Europe for the past 2 months) must deal with returning to the city, where they'll all be staying at Lily's until she gets back. Unfortunately, Serena returns from her trip at about the same time and is being hounded by the paparazzi. [enter Lady Gaga's catchy new song into my head] S spent her summer partying on dance tables, taking shots, hanging out with royalty at all the hip Euro clubs. You know, the kind of stuff S always does. Nothing new here, people. Despite Lil J and Eric's efforts to keep all of Serena's summer shenanigans (say that 3 times fast) from Rufus, it doesn't take long before he and Dan find out, with help from a plethora of tabloid magazines, blogs, etc. Truth is, Serena is just acting out because her real Daddy doesn't wanna see her. She originally started her summer in Europe trying to locate her father with the help of Carter Basin. But when they finally found him and she left him a thousand or so messages... NOTHING. So Daddy issues it is. You'd think S would be smarter and just get over it but apparently not. In fact, she just about loses her senses, makes a horse-riding exit scene at the Vanderbilt Polo Charity Benefit, has sex with Carter in the woods? somewhere, and then makes a phone call to Daddy VanDerWoodsen almost threateningly telling him she won't stop being a dumbass until she finally has his attention. Yes, ALL of that shit, in a desperate attempt to win Daddy's love. Meanwhile, poor Rufus is trying hard to keep the family dignity intact while Lily is away. So he actually uses the rest of the emergency money Lily left to buy all of Serena's tabloid worthy pictures... right about the same time we end with Serena making an appt with the paparazzi, making sure more of her pictures get posted on the net. No wonder Dan broke up with her at the end of Season 1. She IS a handful.

Nate: Still trying to piss off Grandpa Vanderbilt and rejecting his big family, because of the big family expectations that go along with it. He meets a cute girl on his summer vacay, and is making out with her in a helicopter, just before finding out she's actually from a political rival family. Cha-Ching! What a perfect way to flick off his family, by taking her to the the Vanderbilt Polo function in an effort to show his independence? Or defiance, more like it. I guess rich kids aren't very smart sometimes and think acting out is always the solution. While this plan doesn't exactly fail, it doesn't exactly seem to succeed either. And from the looks of it, Grandpa Vanderbilt just found a way to stick it to his political rival... by using Nate. Way to really cut those family ties, Archibald.

Vanessa: Still boring. Still a buzzkill. Still, I have to talk about her. She hooked up with Nate once in Prague on her summer vacay-- which is probably the highlight of her whole summer, IMO. She came back to NY and started hanging out at yet another coffee shop and is now trying to throw herself at Dan's would-be brother, that everyone thinks is dead. He's probably out to get revenge or something sneaky since he hasn't told anyone about his real parents or why he's in New York chumming it up with Dan's BFF. That, and he's shown holding his birth certificate and ominously telling his mother on the phone that he can't wait to do what he's been waiting to do in New York soon. He even gets V to invite herself (+1) to the Vanderbilt function where he's able to chit-chat with Rufus about his old band. Way to connect to your long lost father... just mention you like his music. Maybe that would've worked for Serena!

Still no sign of Georgina, Hilary Duff, or the guy that supposedly, is gonna kiss Chuck. A pretty tame premiere but Gossip Girl started out this way in the beginning of last season before things got progressively more exciting. Either way, its Gossip Girl! More deliciously evil fun is on the way for sure!

XOXO [i really missed signing with that over the summer],

Tube-alicious

One Tree Hill S7E1 Review: Life without Pucas Isn't Sooo Bad

FOREWORD: One Tree Hill without Peyton and Lucas (aka Pucas as in Puke-Ass) is actually not that much different than one would expect. Still has catchy background music. Still has pretty people. Still has Dan Scott being weird. In case u missed it or just wanna know what I think ::snicker:: here's a short recap of last night's season opener.

Nice to see Haley James singing again. That opening number was in *true* OTH fashion. No offense Kate Voegele, but Haley James is our first singer/songwriter love. Unfortunately, the label is about to be closed down since Peyton left, they have one hit record on the wall (Mia Catalano), and Haley is having difficulties juggling rock star and mom status. ::shakes head:: Peyton...that bitch ruins everything, even from off the show. Anyhow, the relationship between Haley and Jamie has always been so warm, believable, and awesome. Probably one of the only reasons I still watch the show is the Scott family dynamic. ::smile:: Jamie's 7 now btw. And still has AWESOME birthday parties. [More on his bday presents below...]

Nathan, Nathan, Nathan... U. Look. Good. Sooo good in fact, that a random girl is at ur son's bday party, takes a picture with u, and says its nice to see u again. The look on your face means you clearly don't remember her. Hmmm... if I had the experience of a past, psycho nanny attacking my wife and trying to seduce me, I'd get security on this bitch's ass already! Nathan... So hot, and yet so vapid sometimes. [I do love the idea of him promoting bodyspray though. Hee. And there's a wonderful cut to Mouth actually using the body spray!] So we find that the mysterious blonde is later revealed to claim she slept with Nathan while on the road and the whore wants to go public.

Nathan finds out about this at 4:30 in the morning, via his sports agent--new regular character, Clayton. So far, all I can muster about this new guy is that he sleeps around, has the hots for another new regular, Haley's sister Quinn (more on her in a sec), and that he needs to send flowers somewhere... which is probably related to the fact that he doesn't believe in love. There's a new idea! So...moody, angst-filled, emotional baggage guy replacement for Lucas... Check! Back to Quinn, who is one of Haley's many sisters we have yet to meet until the end of this show. Apparently, she's always been the cool girl. Successful photographer, smart, knows her shit, plays football, has had a great marriage...blah blah blah. But we find out she's actually left her husband for awhile now. Because he's not the same man she fell in love with. And, she didn't sign up to spend her life sleeping next to a stranger. Herego... an always questioning, could have so much potential, but is constantly doubting life Peyton replacement... Check! See! we've already replaced the void of Pucas within the first episode of the season!

Meanwhile, Brooke spends a lot of time in this episode moping about and missing Julian. Didn't really like that much. She's hell bent on staying in Tree Hill for reasons Julian can't figure out. [And neither can I.] I mean, come on, even Pucas left. But I'm glad to have Brooke on the show. She really has been, is, will forever be my favorite. FLASHBACK: Brulian's last night on a beach, Brooke tells Julian she's left him closet space back at home signaling her improvement on the long-term relationship skills. Except he tells her he's going away again for 8 months to do a movie in New Zealand. [LOL... who does he think he is!? Peter Jackson with LOTR?! Oh Julian u make me laugh.] Brooke tells him he should go and the camera pans back to where Brooke was standing on the sand to reveal what she wrote with her toes in the sand: "Marry Me." [Whaaat! Really!? She's THAT MUCH in love?!! I call bullshit. But what do I know? I was an devoted Brucas fan for years till finally deciding Lucas was a pansy.] Anyway... back to the present and at Jamie's bday bash. Due to some of Jamie's super human bday wishing powers, Julian arrives! [Guess he's not Peter Jackson material after all.] Later that night on yet another walk on the beach, Brooke mentions that Peyton used to say, "People always leave. Who knew she was talking about her stupid ass." *BEST LINE OF THE NIGHT.* Until its followed by Julian wanting to go skinny dipping and asks Brooke, "Are you coming or what?" And she replies, "That's what she said." Before joining him. Oh Brooke, I heart you. SO SO MUCH. After some post skinny dipping coitus, Julian tells Brooke that he's decided not to do the movie after all, because although it's a lucrative movie, its not an important one. [whoa! filmmaker with values?! whaat?!] And so... that whole storyline was sort of... pointless and unnecessary since Julian is coming back and now Brooke is scared that their honeymoon phase is truly over due to the fact they'll have to see each other all the time.

OTHER CHARACTERS (with too little going on or I simply don't care about)

Mouth wants to kick out Skillz because he wants to move forward with Millie. She's now pretty much blossomed into the new, decisive, sharp-shooting executive at Clothes Over Bros. She gives orders, doesn't take foam in her coffee, but still reminds poor halfwit assistants to have fun at their otherwise slave-like jobs. Because you know, she's Millie. Back to Mouth who walks around naked in his apartment in an effort to really make Skillz want to leave. But Skillz is awesome. And gives Mouth a taste of his own medicine by getting naked himself. They eventually have a heart to heart, long enough for Millie to come home and witness them saying "I love you" to each other stark naked in the kitchen. Niice. In a no-homo kinda way. Where are the other two guys that hang out on their couch and play video games all the time?! Dan isn't dead. I call bullshit on this "heart condition" the Scott men supposedly have! I really wished Dan left with Pucas. Instead, he hosts a late night, self-help, culty tv show in which he talks about redemption. But really, who cares? No sign of Deb, or Whitey, or Karen, or Mia, or Chase... Hmm... Budget cuts??

BONUS: Jamie's BDAY Presents! Brooke gave him his annual best godson check with plenty of zeroes. Aunt Quinn gave him a fake bday cake, before smashing his face into it. Haley's gift is the party, I guess. Nathan got him a Jerry Rice jersey. Nathan's sports agent gets him the actual Jerry Rice. [who has to resort to a blocking position despite his football star status.] Lucas sends him his old, cruddy basketball complete with a note explaining it was his best friend before he met Haley and it got him thru rough times. Wow.. Lucas is being such a fag and he's not even on the damn show anymore! But the best gift comes from Skillz. He gives Jamie his old CD collection which includes 2 pac, Biggie, De La Soul... Now we get to hear Jamie quoting gangsta rap lyrics all season!

MTV Video Music Awards Commentary

Nota Bene - the pre-show was HORRIBLE. the most inane, awkward, boring VJs EVER! Bring back Kurt LODER!!! hell, bring back Carson Daly!

9:00 Glad the preshow is finally over.

9:02 Madonna introduces the MJ Tribute and recites an excellent, thoughtful speech on the highs and lows of MJs life and their brief acquaintence.

9:05 I'm in tears. Damn you Madonna. How many more times will I have to cry about MJ?!

9:07 Love the vintage MTV intro and giddy with excitement over the performance unfolding before my eyes.

9:09 Watching all these MJ music videos in the background has me thinking that maybe MTV sucks now because no one makes videos like they used to. Sigh.

9:12 Watching familiar dancers dance with Janet. They're totally jizzing in their dance pants right now.

9:14 Katy Perry. Joe Perry. What better entrance can you ask for Russell?

9:15 Convinced that THIS show is already WAY BETTER than the shows of the last what? 3 years?!?! LOVE LOVE LOVE the set/stage.

9:22 Whoever doesnt think Russell Brand is funny is a bloody fuckin wanker.

9:24 Taylor Swift wins against Beyonce, Kelly Clarkson, Lady Gaga, AND Pink. All of a sudden Kanye is up there... and Taylor looks confused. As is EVERYONE ELSE.

9:28 My Mouth is still hanging open after Kanye's psycho hijacking of Taylor Swift's acceptance speech. W.T.F. There better be an apology...

9:34 Leighton Meester (i heart Blair!) Jack Black (u are NOT funny.)

9:36 Wow. I had no idea that was even Green Day's song. They just won Best Rock Vid. Sort of waiting for Kanye to come out and steal the mic again...

9:39 Amazed that T.Swift is able to perform after getting stage-mugged by Kanye.

9:40 Getting a little dizzy from this Subway performance.

9:42 Taylor ends her performance standing on top of a taxi cab. I hope somewhere Kanye is getting tarred and feathered. Yeah, I said it. You can't go after EVERYONE Kanye.

9:46 Craving some Taco Bell Gorditas.

9:50 If Lady Gaga has a penis, I can't see it from any of these TV angles. And she's wearing an off white leotard.

9:52 What the.... Her costume is now bleeding. (with fake blood i hope) All over the stage. Act ends with her hanging from the ceiling... still bloody. Bizarro much?

9:53 Walle has the hardest job. To play the music after such crazy fuckin shit goes on.

9:59 Completely lost with this Eminem and Tracy bit.

10:03 Best Pop Video... Beyonce's a nominee again. Fuck... is Kanye lurking in the curtains?? Watch out ppl!! Beware!!

10:05 Megan Fox and Adam Brody announce Green Day. Nice to see they can still rock out.

10:10 Successful Mosh Pit by Billy Joe onstage.

10:15 Pitbull looks like the Fringe's Observer.

10:16 Twilight cast comes out. I really want to turn off my TV.

10:19 The New Moon trailer looked good. And no, I'm being serious. Maybe there's hope for u yet, Twilight.

10:21 Equally impressed by Beyonce's thighs and the simultaneous, colorful light show.

10:22 I think I saw Dracula standing behind Katy Perry in the audience.

10:25 Does the song "Single Ladies" ever end?? ok, it just did. and my vision was confirmed. Katy Perry was telling Dracula she needs a ring on her finger.

10:27 Those Above The Influnce commercials make me laugh. Makes me wanna smoke right now.

10:31 It's Diddy and Turtle's girlfriend! The crowd boos at the name droppin of Kanye and starts yelling "Taylor! Taylor!!"

10:33 T.I. wins for Hip Hop vid! Love you baby!! (thank god it wasnt Kanye or all hell woulda broke loose!)

10:34 Gerard Butler makes use of his 300 persona by getting the crowd to woot. Niiice!

10:48 J. Lo is presenting award for Best Hip Hop video. ::Gulp:: Kanyeezy is a nominee...

10:49 Hip Hop Vid goes to... Eminem?! (really?!) I have to admit, I'm channeling a little Kanye right now. Where's the love for HOVA!?!?

10:51 Kid Cudi dedicates his performance to DJ AM. Sigh. I wanted more of a tribute.

10:52 The weird backstage VJ from the pre-show mentions he feels like Kurt Loder after interviewing Madonna. Uh, where the hell IS Kurt Loder!? Bring him back!!! Remember MTV NEWS!? Every hour on the hour!?!?!

10:58 Best New Artist goes to Lady Gaga... who is now wearing a full, red-laced dress. And by "full" I mean it is covering her face entirely, held together by a red-laced crown hat thingee. Even Eminem looks scared to hug her. She takes off the laced mask and dedicates her award to "God and Gays." And in the audience, I see Perez Hilton's bastard ass.

11:01 Pink is being pulled up to the ceiling blindfolded. Her costume consists of a one strap body suit and heart shaped petal to cover her nipple. It's like Lil Kim meets Cirque Du Soleil.

11:02 ...and Cirque Du Soleil is right! Since Pink is now doing an acrobatic dance performance hanging from the ceiling. The woman is BAD ASS. u gotta give it to her...

11:05 Pink skips offstage after one of the sickest, most original performances ever.

11:11 Jimmy Fallon and Adam Sandburg do an impromptu Boyz II Men Motownphilly acapella in which Beyonce sings along in the audience. Sweeet.

11:13 Video of the Year goes to... Beyonce! (See Kanye! You totally jumped the gun! She was gonna get it anyway!)

11:14 Beyonce calls out T. Swift to come back onstage so she can have her moment properly! They're both wearing red. HOW FUCKIN AWESOME is that?! Thank you Beyonce. For being a good sport and wearing a normal dress. (I saw you Gaga. 1 row behind Beyonce and now wearing an Eskimo number. Is that like 4 wardrobe changes? Somewhere... Tim Gunn, Nina Garcia, and Michael Kors want to gouge their eyes out.)

11:19 Enjoying the Jay-Z commercials for Rhapsody showing all his past album covers.

11:22 Jigga finally gets to the venue.

11:23 Final performance of the night. Only right they should give it to Jigga. LOVING the camera's POV from behind him. We get to experience him taking the stage in front of the entire Radio City Hall audience. Righteous.

11:24 "Empire State of Mind." I LOVE this song. if you havent already heard it, you've been hiding underneath a rock the past week. the big screen backdrop is all New York locales and aerial views. Just a great way to end the night.

11:28 ...and I spoke to soon. WTF is Lil Mama doing up there?!!? Where is Kanye when you REALLY need him. Sigh.

11:30 Reminded again of our loss at MJ's death. Awesome preview of his never before seen tour footage. This Is It is out Oct. 28

11:31 Russell ends the night by calling out Lady Gaga's Eskimo outfit. Thank you, Russell. Best Bloke I know.

The End.

Vampire Diaries Premiere Full Recap & Commentary

Creepy night scene. Owls are doing their owl noises and the moon is all white and eerie. Then we hear a voiceover. Apparently, someone's been hiding in the shadows all his life. But that is all about to change. Voiceover announces himself as a vampire. CUT TO couple driving home really late on an abandoned road. (how convenient for vampires) They're carrying on about how there should only be one James Blunt, until they're intercepted by lots of fog. "oh, this will pass" says boyfriend. And then...BAM! Someone's in the road and its all a la I Know What You Did Last Summer. The couple freaks out. Naturally. And the boyfriend tells girlfriend to call for help. He walks over to the injured body saying, "please be alive..." Sorry, boyfriend. You just hit a bloodsucking vampire. And sure enough, just as he approaches, ZIP ZIP BITE! Meanwhile the girlfriend, like blonde idiots always do when they panic, gets out of the car and starts yelling to Darren (who's prolly dead by now) that there is no signal to call for help. She notices he's not there and starts to call out for him. BAM! Darren's dead body falls onto the hood of the car complete with a bloody neck. She screams, she runs. Not far, of course because something picks her up. OPENING CREDITS


Voiceover claims he really shouldnt have come back but he just had to because he "has to know her." Then the boy who seems to own this voiceover jumps off a high roof and lands gracefully on the ground. Vampires never had this much aerodynamics on Buffy. So strange... Cut to really emo girl writing in her diary. I call it like I see it, because I was one of them in High School, so trust me, I know. Apparently, she has much to be emo about since she lost her parents and is known as the sad girl in town. Told you. She goes downstairs and is greeted by an Aunt and I think, brother? Probably doesn't matter much right now. Then she's on her way with another girl who seems to be her BFF. BFF is talking about how she had relatives from Salem and can predict things given she predicted Obama and Heath Ledger. Next, she believes Florida will become a little island of luxury within the next few years. Sweetie, that's not the gift of foresight. It's Geology. But it doesnt really matter what BFF is saying because Elena (emo girl) is spacing out. Then out of nowhere they hit something. Not a person but maybe a bird? or a Dog? or a speed bump? Again, doesn't matter. Just a way to let viewers know Elena lost her parents in a car accident. BFF makes one more prediction. This year is gonna be the best year ever. Oh dear... Elena, your friend just fucked you up for the next 13 episodes.

School Campus. Elena and BFF are hanging out by the lockers and spot a Blonde jock across the way. Elena waves, he just stares and walks off. Apparently, she dumped him and he's too proud to admit he's hurt and listening to Air Supply's Greatest Hits-- so says BFF. Then an extremely wholesome Blonde girl named Caroline gives Elena a big hug. Because you know, she lost her parents and is very emo. I'm sooo not caring about this scene. Thankfully, its over and we cut to Elena's brother who sells drugs and calls out douchebags like the Carson Daly wannabes that they are. Then sadly, back to Elena and BFF, now checking out a mysterious dude's backside. This guy is trying to enroll for classes but he has no transcripts or immunization records etc. (I totally remember all that crap paperwork I had to fill out back in the day.) Mysterious sexy back guy takes off his stunner shades and looks the schoolworker in the eyes and says, "no really bitch, all my info is there." Ok, maybe not in those exact words but he does essentially somehow hypnotize her with his sexy powers and next thing you know, he's all good to go. Outside the room, Elena's BFF is trying to predict if the guy is really hot or not when Elena spots lil bro heading into the bathroom. She quickly follows as he is putting in eye drops. Guess Lil Bro Jeremy has been getting stoned and acting out. Elena explains she's given him a free pass over the summer but now she's done watching him destroy himself. She even promises to be a buzzkill every time if he chooses to continue. And.... a buzzkill she is! Since Jeremy says he "doesnt need this" and walks out. She takes a minute before walking out after him... providing just enough time for the mystery guy to walk out, validate BFF's prediction that he is indeed a hottie, and run straight into her. What follows is the usual awkward, yet enjoyable "oops i bumped into you, oh my gosh, youre so cute, i'm totally into you right now, ok better go before i lose it" dance. They part ways but obviously, the damage is done. They're in love and dont even know it. Later in class, my thoughts are validated in that she peeks over at him, he's passionately staring at her, Blonde ex-boyfriend is looking at them, and BFF is texting Elena that she's got a real admirer. Oh High School love... I miss thee.

Some time later, Elena chooses the cemetary (of all places) to write about her day in her diary. She says that she's made it through the day. Also, that she told everyone she was fine but she really isnt, but it doesnt matter because when ppl ask how are you, they dont really want an answer. (if this girl channels anymore Peyton, i'm gonna start to hate her.) Then a black crow appears out of nowhere. (oh and he showed up earlier but i forgot to mention it, during the car ride to school.) Next, comes the eerie fog that came about before the earlier couple bit the big one. Elena must think the crow is causing the fog and starts shooing it away. When that doesn't work she gets her things and starts walking away (but into the woods? oh yeah, coz thats what all dumb girls do.) We see a male figure behind the fog and so does Elena coz she starts to hurry but trips. She looks back and then forward, and Mystery Guy is there, all calm, collected, and cool. She asks, "were u following me?" He replies, "no, i just saw you fall." (I feel like I've seen this all before...) We finally get his name, Stefan. And they have English and French together. Awesome. Coz I really needed to know that. They do some more small talk, before she compliments his ring. Family heirloom he's stuck with. He asks if she's hurt herself and I guess she really ate it when she tripped since her ankle is all bleeding. He turns his face, his eyes get all dark and vampire-y, remarks she should take care of it, and bounces without a trace.

Back at Casa de Stefan, he's writing in his diary. (god, they're so made for each other.) He writes that he pretty much screwed up today. That all his feelings he's kept buried resurfaced. And the trigger is Elena. So... does this mean he's BEEN checking her out from like a long time ago? Camera pans out to reveal that in his possession is her diary. CUT TO some bar/grill hangout place and Jeremy is trying to hit on one of his earlier female customers-- who happens to date douchebag Carson Daly wannabe (later dubbed Tyler), who happens to be friends with Elena's Ex. Apparently, drug customer girl is Elena's Ex's little sister. Jeremy continues to follow her around like a little puppy and she tells him so. He fires back, "you dont have sex with a little puppy." Niiice. Jeremy isn't afraid to tell the world that she's deflowered him over and over again over the summer. She says it was a drunken/drugged out haze and totally over. Hee. I totally dig these two more than the main characters. Elsewhere in the grill, Caroline is telling Elena's BFF that she knows all about Stefan and that they've already planned a June wedding. Funny how white girls claim their male property.

Back at Casa de Elena, she's getting ready to go out to the bar/grill place as Auntie warns her not to stay out too late on a school night. She opens the door and there's Stefan. He apologizes for his disappearing act and returns her diary. He claims not to have read it because he wouldnt ever want anyone to read his. Elena practically wets herself at the thought that someone is as emo as her. After an awkward moment in which Stefan stands outside the doorway (bc I think Elena didnt officially invite him in - Vampire Rules 101), he asks her if she's headed out. She admits she's going to meet a friend and invites him to come along.

Back at the bar/grill place, BFF is sitting with Ex-Boyfriend, named Matt. He asks about Elena: first about how she's doing, and second, if she ever asks about him. BFF says she doesnt wanna get in the middle and that Elena probably just needs a little time. Enter Elena with hot new boy, Stefan in tow. Burn, Matt, burn! Caroline and Tyler look from afar as Matt tries to be the bigger man and walks over to Elena and Stefan. He introduces himself and all 3 awkwardly act like they've all been friends forever. Later, the girls are seated together and Caroline is grilling Stefan about his particulars. Turns out his parents are dead too. Elena asks if he has siblings and he says none that he talks to. Caroline mentions a party the following evening and after Stefan asks Elena if she'll be there, BFF answers "of course, she'll be there." Elena smiles. Stefan smiles. And I'm bored...

After this fun little outing, Stefan is back at home getting ready for bed when an older man walks in complaining about how Stefan "promised." He hands over the newspaper with pictures of the dead couple headlined by an animal mauling. Older guy says he knows how it works, that if u rip em apart enough, ppl will think its a mauling. And get this! He calls Stefan, UNCLE Stefan! Get it? Coz Stefan is prolly like hundreds of years old or something? Coz he's a vampire... Stefan claims he's under control and the dead couple has nothing to do with him. Stefan's nephew explains to him that Mystic Falls (thats the city) is different now but that some ppl might still remember. (So Stefan has been to Mystic Falls before...) Nephew adds that it was a mistake to come back here even if he has no answer for where Stefan belongs and leaves. Stefan is left to open a locked bureau of journals dated back to yesteryear. He pulls out one of them and opens it. Inside is an old school photograph of a girl who looks just like Elena. Only her name is Katherine and the photo is dated 1864. Interesting....

Back in History Class, they're discussing the casualties of some important battle that went down in the town like hundreds of years ago. Obviously, no one in High School ever cares. For example, Elena's BFF doesn't know very much and the teacher rightly claims "cute becomes stupid" in an instant. (LOL.. reminds me of this girl i know...) Next, the teacher tries Mr. Donovan or Elena's Ex Boyfriend but he's fine with being a dumb jock stereotype and has nothing. Next the scary History teacher tries to pick on Elena, even mentioning that he was lenient to her last year but this year she needs to step up. Apparently, he doesnt care anymore that she's an orphan. Stefan finally saves the day by quoting the number of casualties, even adding some extra info that History Teacher doesn't know about. Way to shut up the authority, Stefan. After all, you were probably there when that shit went down.

CUT to party in the woods where teens are boozing and hooking up. Stefan uses his super vamp hearing powers to locate Elena coz he's not into any other teenyboppers. But then, he's intercepted by Caroline who wants to offer him a drink. Back by the campfire, Elena and BFF are chatting about Stefan and Elena says its time to make some more predictions. She picks up a beer bottle for BFF to use as her crystal ball and when they both hold the bottle, Bonnie (i finally know her name!) gets all weird and creepy and says she sees a crow and fog when she touches Elena's hand. Maybe the girl DOES have powers! But Bonnie says she's drunk and it all means nothing and walks away, leaving Elena stunned and Poof! Stefan is in front of her. (man those vamps just appear outta thin air!) He asks if there's something wrong since its obvious he just scared the shit out of her, again. But she's actually still thinkin about Bonnie's weird voodoo vision. She starts to explain but settles for telling him it doesnt matter because he's here now. Elsewhere at this woodland party, Jeremy sees his deflower-er girl walking off with Carson Daly wannabe guy. Elena is walking around with Stefan, telling him that he's the talk of the town being all new mystery guy. He tells her that she's actually a lil mysterious herself, "twinged with sadness." (Wow, u gotta know who the vamps are because a long, long time ago, men actually noticed things like emotions). She then tells him the reason for all her moodiness. Her parents died in a car crash that had the car running off the bridge and into the lake. She was in the back seat and survived. They didn't. Ah... guilty, much? But then Stefan, being the sweet vampire guy that he is, says: "you wont be sad forever, Elena."

...and deeper into the woods is Vicki and Tyler. (Jeremy's drug customer and her Carson Daly wannabe respectively) making out. Tyler seems to be in heat while she tries to ease him off. She doesn't wanna have sex on a tree. Who can blame her? Jeremy comes walking by just as Tyler begins to lose his patience. Jeremy tells Tyler to get away from her. Jeremy is getting on Tyler's nerves, but Vicki tells Tyler to get lost. Finally! Tyler leaves, but not before saying, "Vicki Donovan says no. That's a first." Very classy, Tyler. Such a gentleman you are. Who wouldn't want you? Vicki tells Jeremy she didn't need his help. He says it looks like she did. Vicki says Tyler is just drunk and Jeremy's all, "i'm drunk, am i throwing myself at you?" She says: "no, worse." Because in her opinion, she thinks Jeremy wants to get to know her, look into her soul, and screw and screw and screw. Vicki dear. You're an idiot.

Back to the main lovebirds... who are talking about Elena's circle of friends. Stefan mentions Bonnie is great and Matt cant seem to take his eyes off them. Shot of Matt from afar with Caroline watching like hawks. Elena explains that Matt's been a friend since childhood and that they started dating because you feel like you owe it to yourself to see if there's something there. Guess there wasn't, since her parents died and it just became clear that their togetherness wasnt passionate enough. Elena's creaming in her pants again at how brilliantly Stefan seems to finish her sentences when his eyes get all vampire-y again and he asks her if she wants a drink and bones out.

Stupid girl Vicki is wandering (deeper into the woods like the idiot that she is) and fog starts to appear. I wanna yell, "Run bitch, run," but instead she turns around and thinks its Jeremy. When all she sees is more fog, she turns (towards the woods again! wtf!) and we see a man standing a few feet away, looking at her like the easy lay (pun, intended) that she is. Turn one more time and she comes face to face with her hunter...and all we hear is a scream.

Back at party central, Elena is looking for Stefan but can't seem to find him. Matt comes up to her and is all, "what's up, I thought you broke up with me coz you needed time to deal with your dead parents." She has no answer and he says that she can do whatever she needs to do but he still believes in them and he's not giving up on her and walks off. Poor Matt. Stefan who's been watching from afar is about to approach Elena but is intercepted again by Caroline. Can this bitch get a clue already?! And just like that, Stefan tells her she's had too much to drink and with him, it's never gonna happen. Awesome. Thank you, Stefan. He finally gets over to Elena but she spots that lil bro Jeremy is drunk and stumbling. She goes after him. He's walking into the woods and she yells out where the hell is he going? Like the drunk pro that he is, yells back he doesnt wanna hear it and trips over something. The something is Vicki, on the floor bleeding from her neck. They run back to party central and everyone is freaking out. Elena says, she's losing a lot of blood and something must have bit her. Stefan watches through the flames and starts to freak out. His face says it all. Meaning his face says, "I am so... fucked." Just in time for Matt to see him leaving the party in a suspicious manner. Stefan rushes home and tells his uncle er-- nephew Zach, that someone else has been attacked, and it wasn't him doing the biting. He goes up to his room and notices the window open. That infamous black crow comes flying in and a man appears. Stefan turns and says, "Damon." Damon says, "Hello Brother."

Later, during a nice little catching up convo between the two brothers, we learn that Damon doesn't like the grunge look of the 90s, small towns, and fads. Stefan mentions big mistake in leaving Vicki alive, but Damon points out that isn't likely his problem as it is Stefan's. What is Damon doing here? says Stefan and Damon throws the question back in his face. And follows up with the fact that Stefan's reason can be summed up into one word, Elena. Man, this girl is popular.

Meanwhile, back at the scene of the crime, they actually called animal control and we see Vicki being carted off into an ambulance. Matt looks pissed. Elena is telling Bonnie she needs to take Jeremy home. Bonnie then looks at her all serious and says she knows she's not really psychic but whatever she saw today or thinks she felt, its just the beginning. Damon is telling Stefan what a beauty Elena is and how she's a dead ringer for Katherine. He asks Stefan if its working, being in her world. Stefan says, Elena is not Katherine and Damon says, let's hope not, since that ended pretty badly. Damon proceeds to try and get Stefan's adrenaline up and it works after he suggests they go bite a few girls or even Elena herself. They fight, crash out of the second story window, and onto the front lawn. Damon says, "I promised you an eternity of misery so I'm just keeping my word." What an honorable man, huh? I guess this has been going on for 15 years. Stefan implores Damon to leave Elena alone, but Damon points out Stefan's special ring isn't on his finger. Once the sun comes up in a few hours, "ashes to ashes." ::snicker:: Damon's an ass but a witty one. He returns the ring and then grabs Stefan and throws him a few feet into a wall. Stefan is a fool to think he's stronger than Damon since he lost that battle when he chose to stop feeding on people.

Back in the woods, Jeremy and big sis are having a heart to heart. Elena urges Jeremy to cut his crap and move on since the rest of the world has and they wont be cutting him any more breaks. He tells her he's seen her writing in her diary in the cemetary of all places so she's one to talk. In a diner somewhere is Bonnie and Caroline trying to sober up. Caroline is upset and is asking why the guys she goes for never want her. Elena doesn't even try and she always gets picked and says the right thing. Oh give it a rest girl. Welcome to reality. Life's not fair. Bonnie says its not a competition and Caroline says, "uh yeah, it is." In the hospital, Matt is waiting by lil sis Vicki's bedside. She wakes up and tells him her attacker was a vampire.

Time for last montage. Elena is writing in her diary. Stefan is ruminating over his plan gone wrong to start anew. Jeremy is looking at a picture of his dead parents. Bonnie is paying the diner bill to reveal Damon sitting at a table a few feet away. Caroline and him make eye contact. Stefan pays Elena a visit and she finally officially invites him into the house.