Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Gossip Girl Goes to College - Season Finale Commentary

ok, since watching and blogging about OTH made me late to class... I can do the same for my real love GG!

We start with images of graduation, pomp and circumstance. oh the Irony....
Cut to scene of S and B sitting at a table near another table with a girl comparing S to her recent mugshot. Brief banter about Gossip Girl and how she first blast S in 9th grade and that her terrorizing blogs end after high school. Really? [Damn, is there like an application for being a GG after high school, maybe even after college, and into the twentysomething years of our lives? coz i know someone who'd be great at finding dirt on ppl we know::wink::wink:: ]

But on to the more important matter of Chuck's alleged "i love her" confession to S about B. Is this it ppl? Are we finally gonna get to see the ultimate Blair and Chuck union?! I'm already peeing in my pants. Our fabulous girls run off into their limo when S tells B that she hasnt exactly told Chuck that B and Nate broke up. After duckin out in an attempt to pass the paparazzi and B takes a few cute photos, hee... we cut to see Nate talkin to his good ole controlling grand-dad and V with her loyal camcorder. She gets a smile from grandpa before not hesitating to ask Nate about his life, graduation, and duh! is he still with B? coz i'm so lame I keep letting you play me like a pinball!

After he tells her that its over with Blair, he apologizes yet again... and all seems buddy buddy between the two much to V's disappointment. Nate invites her to his party [btw my grad party will so kick ass] and Dan enters the scene. Immediately, i dont care so much and neither does the camera man because we move on to scene with Little J and Eric celebrating the graduation of mean girls in high school. Uh...duh! like that never ends! no matter what generation ur in, little J! And so I am validated by the mean girls themselves notifying Jenny that the new Queen B will be dubbed at Nate's party. Whoever has the biggest dirt on someone wins! fun, right?! B makes a short appearance to tell them all she chooses the next Queen and to tell Penelope that the scarf she's wearing can be seen from space. oh B, i highly doubt that. those space boys can't see the scarf bc they're blinded by its ugliness. lastly we meet Lil J's competition... some transfer student or incoming freshmeat, i dunno...she looks like an elf next to Lil J who i just remembered is a model thus explaining her towering height in this scene. anyhoo, the newbie is annoying and appears to bother Lil J as well as she claims, "the monarchy ends tonight." oooOoh... how foreboding....

Cut to Dan ::yawn:: and S approaching would be step-bro. He's sad bc apparently, like the rest of the viewers of GG, the graduation board forgot to include his name on the list of graduates. Guy just can't cut a break, huh? S laughs, and so do we. Enter B and the most cheesy transition music in the background to introduce her giddy, yet nervous, yet curious approach to Chuck. She smiles, he smiles, they exchange how are you banter and then... she fails to tell him her and Nate broke up... oh you two!! get it over with already!! but even i, am as giddy, and nervous, and curious to how it'll all go down.

The head teachers/principals gather the children and separate the boys from girls. Cute. Cut to scene of Eric & Lily and much to Rufus' disappointment their seats were reserved next to each other. B's mom and stepdad sit behind them and comment on how great a couple Rufus and Lily make. So much that they should "take the plunge" and get married. Rufus tries to sugarcoat the fact their no longer a couple and Lily just puts it out there. Hee.. nothing like a good ole bicker before the grads come out.

And so they do, and the marching band somewhere begins to play... after they take their seats, the first public speaker starts their speech and B tells S that she chickened out with Chuck. But S assures her that its all good bc graduation is the marking of all things new... B agrees and beamfully adds that this is "their moment. no one can take it away from them..."

Ring Ring! Beep Beep! all the cell phones go off. [damn if only my graduation ceremony would be this exciting!] GG says... Not so fast and deliciously labels our main characters with diplomas of their own. Nate: Whore. Dan: Insider. Chuck: Coward. Blair: Weakling. Serena: Irrelevant. Me: Fuckin Loving This Moment.

The announcer tells the grads to rise but apparently the last blast has somewhat paralyzed them. Even one of the headmasters has his phone out. Hee. But S is pissed and announces that B is right. No one CAN take this moment from them and thus, GG is goin down!!! [commercial]

And we're back. S is tryin to recruit some soldiers for the battle with GG but the mean girls are too scared to meddle with things for once. Nate decides to do some "damage control" just in case. of what? i dunno. S asks B and Chuck about their views since GG prolly has the most dirt on them because of all the secrets they keep. and like clockwork, B will gather intel, Chuck will run stats. Oh they are sooo cute!

Cut to Lily pondering where it all went wrong and Rufus walks in to answer her. Since she tried to give him money without him knowing or approving, he isn't sure if he wants to marry her. Hmm... she sounds like a keeper to me Rufus. WTF are u thinking!? Then we cut to Nate and Grandpa and discover the damage control he needed to address. He confesses that last summer he slept with an older woman who was married and paid him. Grand dad says he'll protect Nate but hope it doesnt get out. Coz u know, that'd make Nate a total politician and all. Chuck comes around the corner to ask Nate where his girlfriend is and Nate's all "u dont know?" and proceeds to tell Chuck that he and B are donzo.

Back to Dan and V hangin out by the punchbowl. S joins them and asks whats up with the label "insider" for Dan and i find myself pondering the same thing coz like all things related to him I've forgotten. V for some odd reason drifts away to let Dan slip about how high school is over and so is prolly every connection he has to the wonderful world of the upper east side. Oh Dan, ur such a killjoy. S has nothing else to do but wish him a good life and walk away. Cue V like the sad, stray puppy that she is to return and the two decide the partys no fun so let's just go home. Losers!

In direct contrast is our fabulous four who are sitting together in the stairway playing detective. With a few rather obvious observations, they come to the conclusion that GG must be a graduating senior from Constance. Herego, the nervous look about the room. (come on guys! its so obvious that GG is not in the room and is prolly Georgina, V, or that girl B babysitted in a past episode!! Actually, it's Veronica Mars but that's besides the point.) S comes up with a brilliant plan to speed things up and decides to send GG a message. Chuck quiets down the room in order to hear GG's phone ring if she is indeed in the room. All systems go and GG turns out to be.....

Jonathan?! wait, who!?! oh yeah, Eric's boyfriend. Wait, huh!? Really?! yeah... no, its not. Really. it appears that Jonathan actually just hacked into her server last season or summer ago and informs S that she seems to wait till the last possible moment to send out a blast on our main characters. S borrows Jonathan while Lil J is fishing through all the leads GG doesnt post and shows Eric one that might be the winner to beat newbie and thus, abolish the monarchy. But Eric has a deeply oh shit, no way reaction that tells me whatever it is, its juicy and will therefore come out no matter what. Sweet.

Back at casa de Humphrey, Dan being the loser that he is tells Rufus that he and Vanessa are gonna catch a movie instead of go to Nate's party. Rufus basically tells him he's an idiot and so Dan takes his dad's advice and scurries away. Rufus dials Lily's number only to hear her phone ringing in the hallway as she walks in with a six pack and doobie bag in hand. Rufus asks whats in the bag and Lily answers, "something i found in Chucks room," to which Rufus replies, "then it must be good." Why can't Dan be more like his dad!?!

A brief moment with B and her mom takes place in which the fashionable mama waldorf tells B not to let Chuck run away again when she sees him tonight. So cute. I love what Cyrus has done for their relationship.

and now its PARTY TIME. nice moves, Nelly Yuki....aka: Drunkie who is about to tell Dan shes madly in love with him before seeing S from afar and chickening out. lol... why does that crush actually make sense to me?! but more important things are happening...

In walks our dapper leading bad boy, Chuck. Always with that handsome sinister look. From some other door in the room, in walks our heroine only to be stopped by Lil J who brings bad news. GG knows about New Years. oh god, is this goin back to that thing with Uncle Bass? Lil J wants to warn B that the mean girls will crown whoever has the juiciest gossip next Queen. B dismisses her and tells her she was a complete waste of time from the very beginning. Not wise...B!!! Since as soon as B leaves, Lil J approaches the mean girls and asks to see their leader. Her gossip just cant wait.

And in a private room our two doomed? lovers play a little game of striptease. oh god, this must be the kinky calm before the storm right?! After a game of "how do you like my dress?" let me take it off and "how do u like me now?" even I am yelling "i fucking admire, adore, love it!" More moments of yearning and anticipation follow at which point I'm about to call my boyfriend just to get the edge off. But then comes the million dollar question: "how do you feel about me?" --asks B to a hypnotized Chuck. He opens his mouth slightly and I'm ready to jump in myself as B whispers, "say it." Chuck opens his mouth again and this time he manages to utter the word "I" when Ring Ring!! its the damn phone again!! [someone really needs to put that shit on vibrate.] Its GG... and she's more than a lil perturbed that S tried to figure out her identity. As a big F U, she decides to post every blast shes got. and out comes all of the skeletons in everyone's penthouse closet. Dan slept with the teacher, someone's Bro has been in jail, B slept with Uncle Jack, and Chuck slept with Vanessa! Damn GG, u are working OT today! [commercial]

We return to another room full of shock with our power couple in the spotlight. To make a long and petty argument short, Chuck, B, S, Nate, Dan, anyone i havent missed... bicker about all the recent news. Chuck and B blame S's decision to declare war on GG as the reason for all this madness. Nate and Dan come to her defense at which point B observes Dan's Insider label is the only one that sticks. He's been connected to everything and must somehow be leakin out all this personal info. She then leaves to find Chuck.

Back in that striptease room, B goes on the offensive and even tho Chuck tells her to leave him alone, she's not budging. She explains that they're doing the same thing they always do, make excuses. She also points out that Chuck told S he loves B and last year he told Nate the same thing. So why the hell is he not telling B!?! She pushes a little bit more by asking if GG is right about him being a coward. He takes the bait and declares she knows thats not true. But B explains that GG can be right about Chuck and it wouldnt matter bc one thing GG isn't goin to be right about is her label for B. Ummm hmmmm... Get em girl! That's right. B isn't gonna be weak anymore. She's gonna tell Chuck she loves him and this time, he aint goin nowhere. He has to hear it.

But much to B's dismay, Chuck explains that maybe all the lies, gossip, and hurt was all for something before but that it isn't anymore. Somewhere the sound of my heart breaking is loud and defeaning to the core. DAMMIT CHUCK. ur supposed to take her in ur arms and do the nasty!!!

::sigh:: He then walks away leaving poor B brokenhearted and crying again while I'm sobbing and yelling at Chuck. Thank goodness we cut to Lily and Rufus apparently feeling the love from beer and weed because they're all zen talking about their stubborness and lack of just goin with the flow. So Rufus takes a neon yellow concert bracelet and proposes to Lily. She says yes, and its actually very cute had not the scene before it made me bitter and sad.

Back at the party that just keeps giving, S is still upset while Nate tries to tell her this will all blow over. She sends GG a text to meet her at the Oak Room or she'll spill on GG's true identity. Nate asks if this is even true, that she knows who GG is, S replies no, but she doesnt know that. Really S? u dont wanna give GG a little credit?! Way in over ur head so far sweetie.

Meanwhile, in a bathroom B comes upon Lil J and what I think is gonna be a serious beatdown actually turns out to be a touching moment between the two. B tells Lil J that shes just been rejected again by Chuck and that she should use this info to get Queen status. But Lil J says she doesnt want to use that info and that she doesn't even want to be Queen. Instead she wants to have fun in high school. B then talks about Anne Boleyn and Queen Elizabeth and I'm totally psyched by that reference to really understand the connection. B then tells Lil J that for what it's worth, Lil J is her Queen, or at least her choice for Queen. Just when u think these two are gonna hug... u guessed it! the damn phone again! But wait! This time we dont get to find out who or what it is. Because we cut to S and Nate at the Oak Room where GG is so far a no-show. Dan walks in and we find out its because he Loopt S. Say it with me... HUH? uh ok, u couldnt just call her? Weeak... Loopt reference. Anyhoo, Dan asks why the big deal with the war against GG and S admits its all because she doesnt wanna be irrelevant. ::sigh:: do you SEE why these two make me yawn?! especially when they play off each other! Thankfully we're interrupted by Blair, then Lil J, then the mean girls and Eric and Jonathan. Looks like GG one uped u again S! and sure enough! the phones start goin off!

GG playfully texts that since they wanted to meet GG sooo much, now they have. Bc in truth, she would be nothing without all of them. Now that all her secrets are out... they all have a clean slate... that is until college bc apparently she is a graduating senior and goin with them. Cute. Sort of a copout, but cute.

B apologizes to S about earlier's accusations and the two make up. S asks where Chuck is and B replies that its all over. S says that still its weird not to have him around when everyone else is. B looks out the window to see Chuck... walking away.... again. ::angry face::

and after "One Week Later..."

* Lily and Rufus are admiring the real ring and not the concert bracelet
* Eric and Lil J are unpacking a.. pancake maker?
* Lil J has plans to meet with B
* S is goin to Europe again before heading to Brown
* B is goin to ponder the failure of her life
* Dan and V are somewhere i dont really care about until Nate shows up, announces the mayor made a pass at him, and so he would now rather go backpacking with V. Just as friends though unless they get too drunk in Vienna one night. hmm.. sounds like fun! maybe he'll leave u after u guys get back this time.
* some weird guy named Scott seems to be checking out Dan and not in a Perez Hilton kinda way... could this be the long lost bro?
*B and Lil J arrive at a fancy restaurant just in time to snatch the official Queen headband and declare Lil J ruler of all mean girls. her first order of business: eliminate headbands. Hee.
*back to weird new guy who calls his mom and lies to her about being in portland. ah yes, it is the long lost son in search of his biological parents dare i say, super rich parents now.
*Dan gets a call from Georgina! who notifies him his money is back and he can go to Yale. But he says hes already goin to NYU and she says... great, I'll see u next year. NICE.
*back to G and we find out what she's really up to. She has requested to room with B, prolly to ruin her life. Yikes!
*S is about to go places when Carter shows up saying he's found what she was lookin for in Santorini. and apparently that thing is... her dad! Waaahhh? I thought he was dead?

Cut to our last scene. [thanks for this GG producers] B is walking through town and is surprised to discover Chuck, gifts and flowers and all waiting for her. He explains he was all over Europe picking up a few of her favorite things. He WAS being a coward and everywhere he ran, she somehow caught up with him so he had to come back. THIS IS THE MOMENT B IS SUPPOSED TO SAY.... Great! Lets be together!! but does she do this?!?! NO! UGH, just stab me in the brains next time so i dont have to go thru this pain anymore!!!! She tells him she wants to believe him but he's burned her so badly before that she cant. [i dont blame u girl but damn! he got u mackaroons from France!]

But he assures her that she CAN believe him this time when he says he wants to be with her. She coyly asks, "thats it?" and he smiles and i melt, and somewhere the marching band is back and he finally says it... 3 words, 8 letters, and we're both yours... "i love you too" ok so its more than 3 words, 8 letters but its even BETTER! the birds sing, the sun shines, the light comes down from the heavens. oh thank god!!! i can finally shed tears of HAPPINESS! and as my favorite couple kiss in between i love yous i get the sudden urge to kiss my own boyfriend who's fallen asleep bc I took so long in finishing up this season finale recap. ok kiddies... til next season.


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