Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Peyton dies! jk....OTH Finale Commentary

Yeah, yeah its been awhile, so sue me. I was trying to graduate from college.

Anyway, due to a rather hilarious intro of OTH's season finale episode, I just HAD to post an episode commentary, even tho this will prolly delay my viewing and making it to my next class.

We begin by some rather odd, dreary music (like whats new for OTH, right?) and cut to scene of Lucas and his famously pained face taking poor, bloody, my life is so horrible and did u know my moms died of cancer?- Petyon. (yes, already, I'm finding this silly little show wildly overdramatic).

There's a quick montage that shows me Julian is still on a quest to win Brooke's heart, Brooke's mom is still being a bitch, and was that a liquor bottle Nathan!? Shame on you!

Miraculously, or due to wonderful TV editing, all the important characters appear next to Lucas in the room that overlooks the operating room. (gosh, and here i thought those rooms were only accessed by medical officials on Greys and House). Anyhoo, we get a shot of Peyton's pale and realistically chubby face for someone who got pregnant real fast over the course of a season and then a shot of a fat needle and crazy looking Krevorkian doctors. (dont judge me i cant spell that docs name for a minute!) and then.... DARKNESS.

...interrupted by the cackling sound of a baby crying his ass off. (hmm... someone takes after its mother, much?) Lucas comes in and picks up the rugrat assuring it that "daddy's here."

to which the baby responds, "where is my annoying mom?"

Cut to scene of root beer floats and Peyton sleeping? in a coma? dreaming about an alternate life with Jake? BTW, its a GIRL! and yeah, i'm so over Lucas and his sad face.

Moving on, we find B. Davis fashionably worn out sitting outside the hospital and then nerdy, god help him-he just cant seem to win her heart or our loyalty, for that matter- Julian walks towards her. After a lame attempt to tell her she needs to go home and sleep, he rather smugly points out that he knew she'd refuse and so he took the liberty of buying a bagload of fashion magazines to keep her on point with work. From one boring couplet to another, we cut to Mia and Stephen, err--- crap whats his name on the show? Chase! (oh Kate Voegele... bless ur heart coz i think you're a talented songwriter but really, isnt your lil stint on the show kinda over?? You too, Beach Boy. ur not nearly as cute as when u dated LC & Kristen at the same time!)

Back in the hospital again with Lucas and crap, is this going to be 75% of the show tonight coz even my sense of humor will thin out... Lucas: "I'm getting a little mad here." Everyone say it with me, "Yes, Mark Schwann, we are too!"

Poor rugrat doesnt have a name yet and Lucas begins to break down for the 506th time on this series and then, "Sawyer, her name is Sawyer."

WTF!!! ok first of all, let me remind u that Jamie's name is James Lucas James Scott. I was willing to forgive that bc I love Naley and their genius child. But Sawyer Sawyer Scott?!?!!? Can't u ppl fuckin think of new names!? Lemme buy you a fuckin book at Borders! ARGHGHGHGH..!
and to top it off Peyton is officially conscious. Brooke comes in and were reminded of what could have been... that Brooke would have rightfully disowned Peyton had she died and let a Brucas reunion arise. So we bring in the rugrat tragically named after her mother's maiden name and the whole gang is there to witness the happy family. OMG, is this really the first commercial!?

and were back and Brooke is sad bc Sam sends a postcard with a mere "wish you were here" to solidify her happy state with biological mom. Julian is there and so... u can guess where this angst is goin. Oh yes, to the bedroom! after a hot and heavy makeout session, Julian mentions that he loves Brooke and she says, "shut up, and just fuck me dammit!" ok maybe not in those words, but he takes it anyway and starts boning her.

Did I mention Karen's back!? She's cool. You know who isn't? Mouth and Millie. Where were they during the hospital fiasco? apparently not important enough to get a call. So why do we care she's gonna tell Brooke that she wants to stay in Tree Hill? No fuckin clue.

Karen and Lucas reminisce about kicking it on the porch of their home, oh the yesteryears of when OTH was actually good. Cut to Nathan finding all his shit is gone from the Chiefs locker room... Oh dear, could this mean, he fucked himself over for missing practice. I personally call bullshit! he's gonna play for the Lakers! Fuck Nino and his Clippers contract! ::10 sec later:: I knew it! ok, i thought Lakers not Charlotte Bobcats but hey, our man is FINALLY in the mutha efffin NBA! =) oh, the happiness that i feel from this Naley family. Commercial...

Uh oh, Dan! and oh my whipper snappers its WHITEY!!! way to pull out all the stops OTH! They're in his lil cabin and guns loaded have a deep conversation about Dan's bball game way way back in time. Whitey announces that Dan always had a "heart problem." Hee. Dan wishes he could take everything back and that he's sorry, sorry, sorry. Sounds like a dead man walking...but uh, we dont care, do we?

Brief glimpse of Brooke...without Julian on the phone with Sam, then the announcement of Nathan's NBA acceptance before back to Dan and Whitey in which we hear more sorries and regret from Dan but luckily this time he sums it up by grabbing the gun, jumping at Whitey, requesting to get shot! to end the pain! But our trusted, moral compass-y Whitey instead gives him a big bear hug and says, maybe he's still alive for redemption. As if that noble, but otherwise lame advice isn't enough, Dan gets a slap in the face when Nathan appears to visit Whitey and tell him that he's made it to the NBA. Sucks to be u Dan.

I'm already late for class so I'm gonna have to sum this shit up. Mia and Chase have another awkwardly forced moment, Brooke lets Millie stay in Tree Hill, and then Dan visits Peyton and asks to hold the rugrat. She lets him with much hesitation and i laughed after a brief reference to Where the Wild Things Are and Peyton nearly snatches back Sawyer. (god, why that name?!) Dan then takes his cue only to run into Lucas and Karen-- oh yeah the family he abandoned! on the sidewalk. After they hurriedly pass him, we see Mia, Chase, Millie, and Mouth all cuddling. No not altogether perv! and Lucas pulls up in front of the house with the new, shiny Comet and all seems so Zen about tonights episode, right? I'm just waiting for crazy bitch Nanny to jump out and kill someone.

Cut to Brooke and EvilMom working at the the shop and EvilMom asks about Julian. Brooke is at a loss for words before saying that he's the kind of man that's gone. Then a nice homage to Q as Nathan visits his grave to tell him it really is "a comeback." Aww.. ::Tear::

Back from prolly the last commercial and we find out that the rugrats name is Sawyer Brooke Sawyer Scott. hmmm.... why not add Karen!? Nathan!? Haley?! Q?! I'm sending Mark Schwann the baby name book, I'm ordering it on Amazon as we speak.

Back to EvilMom and Brooke and I'm afraid the angst of the show has finally broke Evil Victoria since she confesses to once upon a time being in love. and that Brooke must go to LA and tell Julian she loves him because thats "all that matters." In an attempt to make girls cry, she adds that she has given Brooke all shares of the company and that it was a mistake to love the company more than her daughter. And so she exposes a soul somewhere in that Prada suit. Who knew? And so Brooke gives Victoria her job back and the title of "mom." Ok, i did shed a tear or two! I admit it!

And in true OTH fashion, we end with a cool montage and mix of voiceovers. Take a look in the mirror and who do you see? well quite frankly, right now if i looked in the mirror i'd think damn, i really shouldnt have eaten those hot cheetoes and cream cheese. We find that Dan is still sulking somewhere, Mouth loves his gf and his job, and that Mia and Chase just had 45 sec of heaven, or 30 sec of amateur tip-insertion, or whatever. Nathan gets his first ever NBA lineup intro. Gosh, i wonder how the producers managed that. [Gets me excited for the playoffs. Lakers vs. Nuggets Game 1 bay-beh bay-beh!!! Holla.] I digress, back to Julian in a rather over arranged movie set. They're about to run a scene when much to his surprise Brooke turns out to be the leading lady. And even if i think Julian is somewhat of a douche, the effort of the whole thing is at least turning out to be cute or quaint or adorable. Sure, as adorable as a rugrat named Sawyer Brooke Sawyer Scott.

Julian tells Brooke that if this were a movie... I'd want my money back. err-- that she would kiss him right about now. to which she replies: No, dumbass, i tell u i love u first which is what uve been asking for and THEN id kiss u because apparently the producers cant find me a better love interest than Peyton's sloppy seconds!!

....Blah blah blah....more voiceovers and what is this deal about "Dreams come true everyday." Did i miss something here? Is this the final season coz i'm not buying all this everything is perfect crap. Where is the crazy soap opera twist I know and love at the end of OTH finales!?!?
Oh man... this finale was a letdown. I missed Linguistics for this? Oh well, on to GG!

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