We start with the Oh-So-Yummy Mr. Schuester pulling into the high school parking lot with his little car cutely licensed "Glee." He jumps out and heads to class but not before running into his glee club members. First is Rachel, who seems to have some songs she'd like to use for Glee, only Mr. S already took care of that. Finn joins them and helps Rachel with her suitcase/schoolbag that only old ladies or asian fobs use on college campuses. Rachel calls him "chivalrous" and I just love her for using big words even though Finn isn't too sure if that word means a good thing or bad. They walk off and Mr. S approaches Artie, Tina, and Mercedes (which is the wheelchair kid, the Asian girl, and the Black girl respectively). They're just learning some runs and admit that Mr. S is "pretty fly for a white guy." He then separates from them and sees Kurt hanging out with uber jock Puck and his trashcan thrashing minions minus Finn. The football team waits for Mr. S to pass before throwing Kurt into the trashbin, again, after removing his designer bag.
Elsewhere on campus, Emma (the Counselor with OCD) is planning to accidentally "bump" into Mr. S and succeeds right by a kid playing guitar in the background. After their initial apologies for the bump, Mr. S or Will says thank you for Emma's counseling the other day and her convincing him to follow his dreams in coaching Glee club. She beams and nervously states its her thing, to counsel, coz shes a counselor. (so cute.) A cheerleader walks by and tells them to get a room, followed by Quinn (head cheerleader) who informs Will that Sue aka Ms. Sylvester would like to see him in her office and she doesn't like to be kept waiting. When Will gets to her office, she's on the eliptical working out in a bright red Adidas track suit. After offering Will an Iron tablet that is supposed to boost strength during menstruation, she cuts to the chase and informs him that according to the official Show Choir Rule Book, he needs 12 kids in Glee in order to compete for Regionals. She's only counted 5 1/2. She's even put together a list of special ed students for possible Glee recruits. She then starts lifting (matching) little red weights. [LOL!] as Will asks: "are u threatening me?"
She breaks it down for him and explains that essentially Will wants to be creative. He wants to be in the spotlight. Frankly, he wants to be Sue. She advises him to do with Glee club what she did with her wealthy, elderly mother. Euthanize them. She even offers him an assistant job fetching her Gatorade for a shot at the limelight. He politely declines and claims Glee club is here to stay, that they'll make regionals, and that the Cheerios (that's the Cheerleading team) have actual competition at school this year for being the most supported group organization-- basically, he's saying its time to bring it, bitch!
A school bell rings and somewhere by the lockers are Finn and Quinn arguing about how he's making a mistake by hanging out with losers in Glee. Rachel is just about 3 lockers down, eavesdropping. Quinn bribes Finn to quit Glee with a feel of her breast, but not under the shirt, and instead over the bra. Apparently, that's not much and Finn confesses that he doesn't really want to give up Glee and that it makes him happy when he's performing. Quinn believes this will now make ppl think he's gay, leaving her to be his big gay beard. He finally tells her to relax before practically running for it in an effort to just get away. Quinn then spots Rachel and confronts her, calling her out on her interest in Finn. She may dance and sing with him, but she'll never have him. Rachel chirps that she understands why Quinn is threatened and that Glee status is going up while Quinn's is going down... until she is confronted with more liquids to the face. This time it looks like a blueberry slushee. Two of them.
Cut to Glee practice where the students are practicing the disco number "Le Freak." Mr. S is enthusiastic about John Travolta hands, but the kids aren't so much. In fact they stop altogether during a dance move in which Rachel nearly kicks Mercedes and being the diva of the group, Mercedes throws a bitch fit. After threatening to cut Rachel, she claims the song is terrible. Everyone seems to concur; even Kurt says it's really "gay." Hee. Mr. S explains they have to get this down in time for the school's pep assembly this week in order to find some more Glee recruits or the club is over. He continues that Le Freak is the song his own Glee club took to Nationals in 93 and its a definite crowd-pleaser. Time to take it from the top but Finn is clearly worried this really is the end of his reputation. TITLE CARD.
Back with Will and his wifey Terri. Apparently, they're house shopping and he explains he's not sure how it all happened. But we get a scene of Terri's sister Kendra coming by for a visit with her own miserable family, complete with 2 children running around the dining room table throwing paper all over like maniacs. It seems Kendra's husband is her third child since even he must ask for permission from her to eat or go to bathroom. All of a sudden, their present home isn't enough since Kendra refuses to see her niece or nephew raised in such a tiny home. Terri then wants a big house for their family on the way. While exploring an expensive house with a staircase made by Ecuadorian children, Will explains to Terri that they'll never be able to afford this. But she thinks giving up Applebees dinners will be enough. She then appeals to his sensitivity by showing him the room of their "future daughter or gay son", suggesting they'll even put in a mini piano so they can put on shows for her. All this family nostalgia seems to win Will over and he agrees to look for another part time job just so they can afford to make their dreams come true.
Back at rehearsal, Mercedes and Kurt are arguing fashion issues while Rachel is pining for Finn from afar. Mr S/Will comes in with new sheet music and its Kanye! When asked if this could replace Le Freak, he says no because it wont be ready in time. He then announces Finn will take the lead, but Finn admits he's barely learning how to sing and walk at the same time. So Mr. S says: "no problem, i'll walk you through it." ...And then, what follows... is an awesome rehearsal performance of Gold Digger interlaced with scenes of Will's wife Terri building her perfect nursery. Brilliant. The Glee kids with Mr. S singing the shit out of Kanye is so effin cute, I stopped typing the first time just to let myself enjoy it fully. [have i mentioned i fuckin love this show!!?!] Watching them practice dance moves and Mr. Schuester move like a slightly older Justin Timberlake is by far the most awesome thing I've seen on TV in a long time. It's just so... gleeful!
Cut to Emma exiting a bathroom stall and finding Rachel trying to throw up in one of the toilet bowls. Apparently, Rachel isn't throwing up because she has no gag reflex. Nevertheless, Emma asks her to come in for a quick counseling session. After a panoramic shot of all the pamphlets which include: "there's a hair down there!" and "I cant stop touching myself," Emma hands Rachel some info on eating disorders. But Rachel explains she doesn't have Bulimia. In fact, she once tried it, but it was too gross for her. Emma asks what motives led to even trying it and Rachel admits she just wants to be thinner... prettier... like Quinn. She asks Emma if she's ever felt like locking herself in a car and listening to sad music over a guy. Emma takes a quick look at Will who's just outside the office, tells Rachel no, and we cut to a hilarious scene in which she is sobbing profusely to "All By Myself." She advises Rachel to protect her heart and asks if Rachel has tried to tell the boy how she feels. Rachel says he doesnt even notice her. So Emma says that common interests are the key to Romance. Find out what he likes and it might help. COMMERCIAL
We're back and in the Principal's Office. Sue, Rachel, Finn, Mr. S and the Principal Figgins sit around glaring at each other. Sue asks Finn and Rachel if they want to explain to Mr. S and Principal Figgins what they were doing. Rachel thinks Sue is over-reacting. We cut to a flashback of Rachel suggesting to Finn that they make fliers endorsing Justin Timberlake and Robin Thicke in an effort to reach a larger, and more welcoming, audience at the pep assembly. So there they are making copies in the copy room when in walks Sue with her bright blue track suit and when shocked by their rebellious act of using the Cheerios copy machine, she drops her strawberry smoothie protein shake to the floor. Will proposes to Principal Figgins that the kids just pay for the copies. Thus, no harm, no foul. Principal F is cool with this and tells Sue she'll need to clean up the mess she made of her protein shake since they've cut half the Janitorial staff due to the Recession. She is less than pleased and claims: "Lady Justice wept today." Hee.
Outside, Rachel still wants to post the fliers but Mr. S says no. He explains that sometimes you have to do things u dont wanna do. The pep assembly will go on with Le Freak and no fliers. Finn claims its official that he's a dead man. Rachel tries to tell him he's really talented and asks if he wants to practice the next day. But unfortunately, he'll be busy with Celibacy Club.
In a not-so-celibate bathtub at the Schuester home, Will tells Terri that he's been bogged down at school with Glee and thus, hasnt had time to look for another job. They may have to forgo the grand foyer at which point, Terri goes on a crazy rant about "when will someone ever give back to us?" Since the customers and staff at Sheets & Things and the kids in Glee dont think about all their hard work. Mr. S feels guilty. Back at school, he walks in on Principal Figgins on his knees scraping off Sue's protein shake. Apparently, Sue got a nurse's note stating her lupus prevents her from cleaning up the strawberry smoothie. =) Mr. S sees his opening and asks if he can sign up for a janitorial job? Principal F looks hesitant, but Will says he'll work for half pay, sold! COMMERCIAL
Rachel wants to join Celibacy Club, but is wondering where are all the boys? Quinn explains that they're down the hall. They separate for the first half of the meeting and then come together for the second half discussing their faith. Down the hall... the boys are discussing not celibacy, but in fact sex and how far they've gone with girls. We learn that most guys are supposed to think of dead kittens as the best way to stop from "erupting early." Finn is flashing back to his come-prevention moment which consists of learning how to drive with his mom and then hitting a man with the car. The second half of the meeting takes place and each boy/girl pair must learn to grind in close proximity with a balloon in between them. Quinn explains that "if the balloon pops, the noise makes the angels cry." [i burst out laughing at this scene.] Rachel gets paired with an eagerly Horny Geek, while Finn's balloon is the first to pop. He blames his zipper. Hee. Rachel finally says this exercise/club is a joke. She starts preaching about statistics of how celibacy doesn't work with HS kids, being prepared is the only way, and goes around throwing the c word: contraception (not the other one silly!) She finishes by stating that girls want sex just as much as boys do before walking out.
In another classroom... Will is cleaning the bottom of schooldesks and Emma catches him. He tries to deny he's taken the Janitor job but ends up explaining he needed to, so he and Terri would have enough money to buy a new house. Emma offers to help since she IS the most anal person in the world which means she can clean very well. While they're cleaning, Will calls her out on her OCD and she explains she has a problem with messes due to her brother pushing her into a stinky lagoon when they were kids. He asks if she's ever gotten any help or seen someone about it but she claims, she's fine. He then wants to try an experiment which consists of him taking some chalk dust on the tip of his finger and touching the tip of Emma's nose with it. She does not once touch or clean off her nose. This may make me sound dirty, but I have to admit, the scene was HOT. And Emma would agree with me since she comes to her senses and says it's late so she should leave, and she does. As she walks out, and Will looks after her, we see Coach Tanaka watching through a window from the outside hallway.
The next day, before the pep assembly, Rachel calls a secret meeting to suggest they give the student body what they want. Kurt offers, "blood?" and Rachel tells them, "No... sex." Cut to Principal Figgins announcing the toilets on campus aren't working again but that they'll be fixed soon. No one is to shit on the schoolgrounds. [LOL] He announces a special treat for the children today and introduces Mr. S. Emma brightly claps and squeals, "Yay, Glee Club!" She's sitting in front of an almost homicidal Sue. Mr. S tells the students that when he was in High School, Glee ruled the campus and now they're well on their way back to the top. Sue is giggling. Mr. S continues... they need some recruits. He then explains that he'll let his friends do all the talking for how great Glee really is and stands back to watch Glee perform Le Freak...
only, its not.
It's Salt-N-Peppa's "Push It." Will's face evokes surprise, a little confusion mixed with embarrassment, before settling on defeated. While the Glee kids continue to grind and rap onstage, Sue's face shows utter disgust... Emma is earnestly following along... the horny kid from Celibacy Club seems to be enjoying himself... Quinn looks confused but knows when someone is after her man... and Principal Figgins? Well, he's tapping his feet and swaying (to a totally different rhythm) while Sue continues to look on in shock. Finn manages to get through his verse despite the worry of his football team thinking he's a fool. Once the performance is over, its met by complete silence at first, then quickly followed by Horny Geek's squeal of approval. Then, to everyone's surprise the rest of the student body follows in cheers.
Back to the Principal's Office where Sue, Mr. S and Principal Figgins are silently sitting. Sue breaks the silence and weighs in on how more than pissed she is at this filthy, offensive exposition. Mr. S says he really doesnt know what to say. He thinks its all over when he hears that parents have written letters of concern. Sue even suggests he be fired and Glee club automatically disbanded. But the principal actually admits the kids are talented and he's never seen the student body so excited. His solution: a list from his pastor of pre-approved, family friendly songs to sing and he even cuts Sue's dry cleaning fund to get new costumes for Glee. Both Sue and Will are surprised and dismissed. Outside the office is Rachel again, waiting. She starts to apologize, but Will cuts her off, stating he understands why she did what she did, but he doesnt agree with HOW she did it. Now no parent in their right mind will let their kid join Glee and they're stuck with crappy songs. COMMERCIAL
In the Teachers' Lounge, Coach Tanaka approaches Emma who is obsessively cleaning each grape before she eats them. He invites her to Tulipalooza. She fakes that she has asthma but he calls her on it and bluntly asks why she's going after a married man. He admits he saw them the other night and he may not be Prince Charming but he's a good enough man in this town for a crazy girl like her. Back in the auditorium, Finn and Rachel are practicing scales. Finn gets hungry and surprisingly, Rachel has a whole picnic set up on stage left. They sit and Finn admits that he thinks Rachel sings really well. That when he first heard her sing, it touched him ::here:: But apparently, he's placing his hand on the opposite side of his chest. She corrects him and shows him where his heart is located. They drink virgin Cosmos in airplane cups before sharing an awkward moment. She tells him he can kiss her if he wants. He admits he wants to and they lay down. After a few soft, sweet kisses... Finn pulls away and BAM! we flashback! To Finn's memory of hitting someone in a car. I guess he wanted to prevent an early eruption? LOL.... I love the comedic timing of this show!! Meanwhile, at the doctors office, we find Terri getting an ultrasound or there lack of-- because in fact, she is NOT preggo and is having a hysterical pregnancy! The doctor claims she wants to have a child so bad, she's just beginning to think she has the symptoms. Uh-oh....COMMERCIAL
Glee Tryouts... and guess who's auditioning? None other than Quinn herself along with 2 other cheer mean-girls. They hilariously choose to perform the song "I Say A Little Prayer For You." They're not actually bad and do an excellent rendition. It's like Dreamgirls but with white girls, complete with the chaste hand motions of the early 50s/60s. After their audition, they confess to Sue that they're joining Glee but dont wanna get kicked off Cheerios. Sue sees this as a brilliant idea since they can be her spies-- an eye on the inside. Elsewhere, Emma is really scrubbing down a school water fountain when Will asks her to join him for some type of function. But this time, she listens to her conscience and asks him, what are they doing? After all, Will has a baby on the way. She says shes goin to Tulipalooza with Coach Tanaka and walks away close to tears. Will, feeling defeated oncemore, later comes home to find Terri is still up. She's even made him chicken pot pie. She needs to tell him that she's been crazy and not really pregnant at all. But when he starts emphasizing the importance of their soon-to-be family, she lies and says they're having a boy! She even tells him that she doesn't want him working a second job and that their house now is fine. She's willing to make a compromise. Will is so grateful, he cant see she's lying through her little teeth....
The next day, Will breaks the news to Rachel that hes giving the solo with Finn to Quinn. Sadly, its not always gonna be about her. Or him. And he takes responsibility for his own actions in pushing for Le Freak at the Pep Assembly. He now understands that Glee is supposed to be fun. So even if she doesnt always get the lead/starring role, and they dont end up singing the songs he wants... the important thing is they both enjoy themselves and try to make it fun. She seems to understand this and asks if she can use the auditorium later to practice. He seems ok with it and musical notes of "Take A Bow" begin to play as the camera pans in on Rachel's face, overcome with disappointment. We then see an interweaving montage of her singing in the auditorium bathed in passionate, yet painful purple light as well as singing to herself in her bedroom mirror. Lastly, one embedded scene has her singing to Finn from afar... who seems to be back to normal with girlfriend, Quinn. CREDITS.
AFTERTHOUGHTS:
Oh TV shows... you build us shippers up and then you break us down. Nevertheless, I like the closeness explored in these would-be couples. Will manages to pull off being hot and good-hearted despite his very sexy chalk to nose scene with Emma. Rachel doesn't overplay the pining and makes it that much more believable and relate-able when she actually does overdo her actions in trying to get what she wants. I have to say that even though Quinn is technically the enemy, I found her to be very likeable in this episode. The whole Celibacy Club thing is hilarious and Jane Lynch has so many wonderful one-liners, it's impossible for me to catch all of them. I was NOT ONCE disappointed with the episode. It moved fast, it made me laugh, and it made me sad all in one episode. Hey, that's all any TV viewer can ask for.
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