Sunday, September 13, 2009

MTV Video Music Awards Commentary

Nota Bene - the pre-show was HORRIBLE. the most inane, awkward, boring VJs EVER! Bring back Kurt LODER!!! hell, bring back Carson Daly!

9:00 Glad the preshow is finally over.

9:02 Madonna introduces the MJ Tribute and recites an excellent, thoughtful speech on the highs and lows of MJs life and their brief acquaintence.

9:05 I'm in tears. Damn you Madonna. How many more times will I have to cry about MJ?!

9:07 Love the vintage MTV intro and giddy with excitement over the performance unfolding before my eyes.

9:09 Watching all these MJ music videos in the background has me thinking that maybe MTV sucks now because no one makes videos like they used to. Sigh.

9:12 Watching familiar dancers dance with Janet. They're totally jizzing in their dance pants right now.

9:14 Katy Perry. Joe Perry. What better entrance can you ask for Russell?

9:15 Convinced that THIS show is already WAY BETTER than the shows of the last what? 3 years?!?! LOVE LOVE LOVE the set/stage.

9:22 Whoever doesnt think Russell Brand is funny is a bloody fuckin wanker.

9:24 Taylor Swift wins against Beyonce, Kelly Clarkson, Lady Gaga, AND Pink. All of a sudden Kanye is up there... and Taylor looks confused. As is EVERYONE ELSE.

9:28 My Mouth is still hanging open after Kanye's psycho hijacking of Taylor Swift's acceptance speech. W.T.F. There better be an apology...

9:34 Leighton Meester (i heart Blair!) Jack Black (u are NOT funny.)

9:36 Wow. I had no idea that was even Green Day's song. They just won Best Rock Vid. Sort of waiting for Kanye to come out and steal the mic again...

9:39 Amazed that T.Swift is able to perform after getting stage-mugged by Kanye.

9:40 Getting a little dizzy from this Subway performance.

9:42 Taylor ends her performance standing on top of a taxi cab. I hope somewhere Kanye is getting tarred and feathered. Yeah, I said it. You can't go after EVERYONE Kanye.

9:46 Craving some Taco Bell Gorditas.

9:50 If Lady Gaga has a penis, I can't see it from any of these TV angles. And she's wearing an off white leotard.

9:52 What the.... Her costume is now bleeding. (with fake blood i hope) All over the stage. Act ends with her hanging from the ceiling... still bloody. Bizarro much?

9:53 Walle has the hardest job. To play the music after such crazy fuckin shit goes on.

9:59 Completely lost with this Eminem and Tracy bit.

10:03 Best Pop Video... Beyonce's a nominee again. Fuck... is Kanye lurking in the curtains?? Watch out ppl!! Beware!!

10:05 Megan Fox and Adam Brody announce Green Day. Nice to see they can still rock out.

10:10 Successful Mosh Pit by Billy Joe onstage.

10:15 Pitbull looks like the Fringe's Observer.

10:16 Twilight cast comes out. I really want to turn off my TV.

10:19 The New Moon trailer looked good. And no, I'm being serious. Maybe there's hope for u yet, Twilight.

10:21 Equally impressed by Beyonce's thighs and the simultaneous, colorful light show.

10:22 I think I saw Dracula standing behind Katy Perry in the audience.

10:25 Does the song "Single Ladies" ever end?? ok, it just did. and my vision was confirmed. Katy Perry was telling Dracula she needs a ring on her finger.

10:27 Those Above The Influnce commercials make me laugh. Makes me wanna smoke right now.

10:31 It's Diddy and Turtle's girlfriend! The crowd boos at the name droppin of Kanye and starts yelling "Taylor! Taylor!!"

10:33 T.I. wins for Hip Hop vid! Love you baby!! (thank god it wasnt Kanye or all hell woulda broke loose!)

10:34 Gerard Butler makes use of his 300 persona by getting the crowd to woot. Niiice!

10:48 J. Lo is presenting award for Best Hip Hop video. ::Gulp:: Kanyeezy is a nominee...

10:49 Hip Hop Vid goes to... Eminem?! (really?!) I have to admit, I'm channeling a little Kanye right now. Where's the love for HOVA!?!?

10:51 Kid Cudi dedicates his performance to DJ AM. Sigh. I wanted more of a tribute.

10:52 The weird backstage VJ from the pre-show mentions he feels like Kurt Loder after interviewing Madonna. Uh, where the hell IS Kurt Loder!? Bring him back!!! Remember MTV NEWS!? Every hour on the hour!?!?!

10:58 Best New Artist goes to Lady Gaga... who is now wearing a full, red-laced dress. And by "full" I mean it is covering her face entirely, held together by a red-laced crown hat thingee. Even Eminem looks scared to hug her. She takes off the laced mask and dedicates her award to "God and Gays." And in the audience, I see Perez Hilton's bastard ass.

11:01 Pink is being pulled up to the ceiling blindfolded. Her costume consists of a one strap body suit and heart shaped petal to cover her nipple. It's like Lil Kim meets Cirque Du Soleil.

11:02 ...and Cirque Du Soleil is right! Since Pink is now doing an acrobatic dance performance hanging from the ceiling. The woman is BAD ASS. u gotta give it to her...

11:05 Pink skips offstage after one of the sickest, most original performances ever.

11:11 Jimmy Fallon and Adam Sandburg do an impromptu Boyz II Men Motownphilly acapella in which Beyonce sings along in the audience. Sweeet.

11:13 Video of the Year goes to... Beyonce! (See Kanye! You totally jumped the gun! She was gonna get it anyway!)

11:14 Beyonce calls out T. Swift to come back onstage so she can have her moment properly! They're both wearing red. HOW FUCKIN AWESOME is that?! Thank you Beyonce. For being a good sport and wearing a normal dress. (I saw you Gaga. 1 row behind Beyonce and now wearing an Eskimo number. Is that like 4 wardrobe changes? Somewhere... Tim Gunn, Nina Garcia, and Michael Kors want to gouge their eyes out.)

11:19 Enjoying the Jay-Z commercials for Rhapsody showing all his past album covers.

11:22 Jigga finally gets to the venue.

11:23 Final performance of the night. Only right they should give it to Jigga. LOVING the camera's POV from behind him. We get to experience him taking the stage in front of the entire Radio City Hall audience. Righteous.

11:24 "Empire State of Mind." I LOVE this song. if you havent already heard it, you've been hiding underneath a rock the past week. the big screen backdrop is all New York locales and aerial views. Just a great way to end the night.

11:28 ...and I spoke to soon. WTF is Lil Mama doing up there?!!? Where is Kanye when you REALLY need him. Sigh.

11:30 Reminded again of our loss at MJ's death. Awesome preview of his never before seen tour footage. This Is It is out Oct. 28

11:31 Russell ends the night by calling out Lady Gaga's Eskimo outfit. Thank you, Russell. Best Bloke I know.

The End.

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