Sunday, September 20, 2009

The Beautiful Life Premiere & Commentary: It's sooo Hard to be Pretty.

Intro: We start with Fashion Week 2009 and there's a Zac Posen show going on. Behind the scenes is a new girl. It's her first show and u can tell by the sad, worried look on her face. Another girl, who seems to be pro, is taking advantage & telling her things like "break a heel" and "be careful not to trip on ur Jimmy Choos." They're about to walk the runway when Mr. Posen himself stops the new girl and is like, "Ew, we can't let this one go out there like this." Hmm. She looks fine to me? The pro model apparently looks perfect and is free to walk while New Girl is being "fixed." All they do is take off a choker and turn it into a belt and then I guess, crisis averted. Yes, her throat size seems to be equated with her waist. Lemme go start my bulimia now. She pauses for a second before going on the runway and you think maybe she's gonna puke (oops, bad joke for the bulimic girls), but she actually enters some sort of model-yes-this-is-what-i-live-for, Sasha Fierce mode and struts like she's been doing it all her life. While she's doing her fierce walk, the stage coordinator gets a call. She tells Posen we have a problem. It's Sonja. Cut to... Mischa Barton in a taxi stuck in traffic claiming she can't control the weather. She more or less hangs up on whoever she's speaking to on the phone and tells the cab driver to hurry up. Then, she pops some presciption pills. Predictable, right? I like her dark nail polish though. On the radio, someone is saying that Sonja Stone is rumored to NOT be at her returning fashion show after a 6-month disappearance. Back to the New Girl who's just finished her first walk on the runway and she's all smiles. She's joined by other models: a long haired guy that looks like Adrian Brody, a brunette guy with too much hairspray, and Marissa (the bitch that was taunting her earlier). Oh and Corbin Bleu. Yes, as a model. Really?! Yes. I know, I don't see it either with that wild Justin Guarini hair and all, yuk. They're all talking shit now about Sonja but New Girl
(who's all modest, naive, and clearly going to be eaten alive by the sin, sex, drugs, and rock n roll of the modeling world)
is all, "do any of you actually know her?" Meanwhile, somewhere in a restaurant near Bryant Park, there's a handsome Mid-westerner vacationing with his family and making cute eyes with the waitress. He's accompanied by a little sister, a proud Mom, and a cheap-o Dad who won't tip the waitress because he had to wait 2 hours for his over-cooked porkchop. He mumbles some shit about hard work for the next 3 harvests and the handsome son thanks his hard-ass father for lunch. Back to the Posen show and Sonja's finally arrived. She walks in like she's the shit and asks for her dress. Handsome boy is now giving the waitress her tip, adding a bullshit story about how his dad forgot to include it in the bill. He's walking off when he overhears another customer bitching about the wait and making some comment about mail-order waitresses. What a douche, right? Handsome boy tells the Douche if he walked a mile in her (the waitress') shoes, he'd be more compassionate or some thing of that lame, Mid-western nature, I guess. The Douche squints his eyes at the Handsome do-gooder and a light bulb goes off! Hey, that geek is kinda good looking! Sonja isn't happy with the dress and its fit, thus refusing to wear it. The stage coordinator tells Zac it's about his design and not the girl, while Marissa unabashedly volunteers to wear it. But Zac picks Raina (New Girl) instead. Marissa and Sonja are both equally baffled that some new bitch is taking their glory. At the same time, Douchebag catches up with Clark Kent (Handsome Midwestern) and asks him his name. Apparently, the Douche is a modeling agent who makes beautiful people very rich. Um... Paging Mr. Douchebag! My address is... Anyway, the kid's name is Chris Andrews and he's from Iowa. Again, predictable. Douche asks him if he's ever done any modeling, and Chris is all speechless for stupid, dramatic effect. It's a simple question, Iowa boy! And back at the Posen show, Raina has a real orgasmic moment by being the show's finale. She's in a beautiful red dress, there's petals falling from the sky, camera flashes going off everywhere, people clapping... It's like a model's wet dream. Finally... Opening Credits.

The rest of the episode:

- Chris and Raina bump into each other like most doomed TV couples do and share a moment. She even rolls up his sleeves and untucks his shirt before his first ever "go-see." She saves him again when he's all awkward during his first photoshoot by switching his Sweet Home Alabama music to some cool r&b and making him imagine himself in the shower. Yeah, I'm so gonna try that the next time I pose for a picture. Later, after his first day of modeling turns out to be a disaster, she even offers her floor for him to sleep on. Cute.

- Raina has a brother with a bad haircut who tracks her down. She also has a dad who's getting out of the slammer soon and her mom still sets a place for her at the table... meaning our new It Girl is a runaway. Bro tries to convince her to go home but she'd rather take her chances in NYC. In spite of her bubbly, naive, almost too good to be true outlook on life, it appears she's actually one of the really beautiful people. Both inside and out. She even sends Sonja flowers and note saying she's here for her. {too bad Sonja just threw the flowers into an old photo of herself when she was on top} Oh well, thought that counts, right? Raina also blackmails a photographer to give Sonja the new Versace shoot everyone wants to be a part of.

- Chris finds out The Douchebag agent, named Simon, is sort of gay and hitting on him while also pimping out his new modeling career. He punches Simon in the face while meeting some important people because Simon actually grabs his butt like its his personal property. To everyone's surprise, he actually lands the job despite the embarrassing altercation. But when Simon calls Chris, he's already getting cozy with Raina talking about this is the end of his modeling career and he'll be going back to Iowa in the morning. Hmm.. something tells me, this isn't so... Hey! I just had a thought! Is Chris supposed to like represent Ashton Kutcher's real life modeling experience, since he too came from the Mid-west?? He IS a producer on the show...

- Sonja isn't having a good first day back on the scene. And she may very well have disappeared for 6 months to go have a baby.

- Cole, another male model who thinks Elvis hair is still cool, seems to have a thing for Raina. Which will definitely make new boy Chris, his enemy.

- The Adrian Brody lookalike is the resident Drug guy. (Sorry, throughout the entire episode I didn't catch his name.) But he sold to the wrong girl at party and gets arrested soon after trying to leave with Marissa. Now
that's one hell of a cockblock.

- Corbin Bleu plays a famous child model who can't seem to get any work after puberty. Now
THAT is excellent type casting. Consequently, he's trying to get into the DJing scene but to no avail. So... he must settle for being a cougar's little bitch in an effort to make some good connections.

Afterthoughts: In short, it seems like an entertaining enough pilot. I'll definitely keep watching but here's 3 things that REALLY bugged. 1) There are WAY too many fuckin aerial, city shots of New York. Shit... I've seen this all before on Project Runway, The City, every other TV show based in New York... STOP IT! Everyone knows its a fashion capital and that's where the show is set. 2) After a chance meeting with a modeling agent & one photoshoot, Chris decides he's goin to stay in New York in order to try out the modeling thing. He has no place to live, no relatives, no friends... Hell, his mother hands him some money but it looks like a $20 bill. His dad thinks he's crazy, and frankly, so do i. How beliveable is his decision?!! We're in a recession, Farmboy! 3) Lastly, can someone PLEASE tell me why Mischa Barton can't act? For like shit?! I mean even playing a model seems hard for this girl and she used to do it in real life!!! Thankfully, Sara Paxton who plays Raina is good enough for me to overlook the other colorless blonde.

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